A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Earlier this year I was in a short term relationship a couple of months when I met this guy through friends of mine. Within two weeks the man asked me to be Ina relationship and even though we were both sexually attracted to each other - I didn't know anything about him(my sister and therapist) didn't agree on this and said its not normal pump your breaks you don't know this guy. Fast forward to our relationship and it turned out one way- he was alway tired - inconsiderate- selfish and even though I went above and beyond he dumped me right before he had his summer plans - to hang out with his buds who were also pet of our dates and hanging out part-. He dumped me via text - I let it go even though he had all my stuff- I never had an argument with this man in the time j was in a relationship with him- no disagreements since it was his show- fast ward the summer he hangs out alone drinking beers and buddies now just last month I noticed he is in a realioniship again- the same random person and way mine startedMy therapist said his ways have not changed he is who he is you shouldn't care- he is acting the same exact way he did a couple of month ago - his personality is too easy to ready he considers a relationship dating but I'm still mad- I don't have feeling for him he is the only man that has not even had a decency to return my stuff at his house and break up over text but I can't get over being mad and wanting to see him fail- I often see the pic of her and think what did she do to be there - how long is this gonna last- in a way to see if I will ever get vindicated . It's not a good pattern to think - I should let it go - a man that mistreats someone that is nice won't change but I'm stuck in this cycle of wanting to be vindicated - everyone told me not to blame myself ihe was a jerk but I can't seem to get this cycle out - any tips
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (14 October 2016):
 You do it one minute at a time, then one hour at a time, then one day at a time. Before you know it, you will have conditioned yourself into not checking on him.
He is not worth your time. Keep telling yourself your time is too precious to waste on someone like him.
It will be difficult at first but the harder you try, the easier it will become.
Hang in there. And if there is anything of value at his house, ask a friend to collect it for you.
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (14 October 2016):
 Yes it is hard. People tell you to let it go; to move on; that you are only hurting yourself. But they never tell you how.
I saw a friend of mine do it, and I asked her how. She told me she consciously decided she wasn't going to care anymore. And apparently it worked.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 October 2016):
 I have to ask, are you mad at HIM or are you mad at yourself?
That would be my starting point.
If you are mad at him for being a piece of crap BF you are wasting your time. Being mad won't change who he is. It won't change that it didn't work out. All it does is leave you bitter and really what is the point in that? Why LET him still have an effect on your life when he should mean NOTHING to you?
If you are mad at yourself for not listening to your sister and for IGNORING the red flag and RUSHING blindly into a relationship with this dude... Then stop beating yourself up. LOOK back at this short "relationship" acknowledge that it didn't work and learn NOT to rush next time. Rushing into a relationship with a virtual stranger isn't romantic or a sign of great love. It's probably the reason it didn't last. HE wasn't looking for a GF. But someone who would have sex with him on a steady basis. He didn't CARE about you on some deep level, which is why he could dismiss you with a mere text.
STOP checking out his FB or wherever you keep track of him at. It's like pouring salt in your wounds. What's the point?
LET him go, THANK you lucky stars you didn't waste MORE time on him than you did.
There is no "vindication" for you here. Because YOU are as responsible for a crappy relationship as HE was. YOU allowed him to treat you with so little regard. You call it "I went above and beyond".. OK, but that doesn't ENTITLE you to "vindication when it doesn't work out. It doesn't ENTITLE you to squat.
No, he probably won't have a long relationship with this new woman, and SO WHAT?! Who cares!? THAT should be your attitude. STOP caring about him. Focus on yourself and those around you who are WORTH caring about and for.
DON'T give him SO much headspace and don't let this CRAPPY guy prevent you from living a happy life doing things you enjoy and spending time with people you care for.
Come on, lady. Use some common sense.
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