A
male
age
36-40,
*lackberry
writes:My step-son is spoiled as hell and my patience is wearing thin. My wife is freakin bitch and wont discipline him and gets so defensive when I lose my patience with him because he throws stuff around and tells us to pick up after him like he owns our house or something. The few times she is on my side and 'tries' to discipline him (she tries but he starts to cry so she gives up) he has a tantrum because he has to pick up a toy, walk 2 feet and put it in a bucket.... She gets so mad when I call him spoiled, I wasn't like that as a child I was respectful and listened to my mother, and if she didn't i would get spanked. His "timeout" is sitting on the couch watching Noggin or Sprout channel (Kids TV for those in Europe). I'm just so frustrated. My wife is 28 By the way, im way younger than her so maybe she just has more patience. I guess my question is, is he spoiled? How can I get my wife to discipline her kid more so I don't have to deal with is snotty attitude? Will it hurt him to get some discipline? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Some people just don't believe in hitting kids. I don't, but there are certainly better ways of disciplining a kid than letting him watch tv!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Thank you very much for your comments, they were all helpful. Yes I was very angry and frustrated. I dont try to show it to them because i know they can both see when im angry. Im the type that just doesnt say anything. But I try to speak out with a civil tone with no success.
My problem is I just don't know how to be a dad, or a step-dad. We are going to counseling, but it seems useless we fight so much. As for the kid, Ive only been around supporting my wife and kid for a year so a connection isnt really as strong as it would be with my own son. I keep my cool, but i just got a reality check when I see how hard it is to raise a kid, especially if its spoiled, so I just cope as best I can. I cant talk to my wife about these things, shes very defensive so i just back off. She doesnt wanna hear it. But i guess ill keep trying. Thanks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Sorry babes, I know you are angry, but your language towards the woman you love dose set all types of alarm bells ringing. I do wonder who has the problem, is it the woman and her child, or are you a very aggressive man who is resentful of this woman and her child.
Fade has given you many helpful suggestions. But I am sure that your attitude is one of the reasons why this child is playing up. You call him "snotty", you don't like him. Children can see when they are not liked and they play up and throw tantrums as their way of fighting back. Your wife sounds like she's under a lot of emotional stress. On the won hand she has a "snotty child" throwing tantrums, and on the other she has a grown adult man thinking that she is a "freakin bitch". If you would change some of your attitude, she may allow you to take more control of the situation. From her angle, I can see how she's frightened to punish her son, because she is scared that he is unwanted, so she wants to replace the love that you are not giving him.
Start by trying to be his friend, then work with her to make some rules and write them down on paper where everyone can see. Throwing tantrums, being rude, refusing to pick up toys, should have age appropriate punishments, and the punishment should be fair and fit the crime. When you and her have worked out a list of punishments, then present them to him and tell him that their is now a new punishment regime for kids who are naughty. If she slips back and refuses to punish him, just remember that you both agreed and she must play her part or she will ruin him for life, and people will dislike him. Then reward good behaviour, try to praise him for any little nice thing he dose. Make arrangements for family days out together, separate time with his mum, and separate time with you, his stepdad. Soon he will learn that he can no longer rule the house, he will learn you are a team and he can't run you off. But first of all you have to see that this is a little boy who is angry and frustrated. You don't sound like you like him, and that's probably why he misbehaves to fight back in the only way he knows how. Change your behaviour and her and him will change. You need to be a strong loving man, so this boy can look up to you and want to follow your footsteps, rather than fighting and hating you.
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A
male
reader, Bryanz +, writes (24 October 2008):
I TOTALLY dis-agree with fade. That is wrong
If he keeps getting spoiled, its just gunna get worst. Its best to punish him. And talk to him and your wife
BUT NEVER lay a hand on him, a appropriate punishment is grounding if he is in early teens or child. If he is in late teens (17,18,19). Kick him out for a day or 2 but only if he has somewhere to stay. I have only been a father for a year, my son is only 1 year old due to the fact of me being young. I have had experience at daycares helping my parents.
Goodluck.
Private message me if you think my advice is helpful. Also if you wish to dis-agree or comment on it.
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