A
female
age
36-40,
*reamflower
writes:Hi everyone. Amazingly enough, this question isn't about me. It's about my brother. He is 20 yers old, and practically my twin. He's been seeing (and living) with this girl for over a year now, and I think my brother is in trouble. She cheated on him just days after their one-year anniversary, and she has completely worn him down. He is incredibly depressed, he's lost all of his friends, and he's losing weight rapidly and without any signs of improvment. He is pale, deathly thin...his eyes are even sunk in. Although he did break-up with her...they continue to live together. Mainly because she has no where else to go, and he doesn't want to lose the house.I keep trying to make him understand that only he has the power to change things, but he insists that there is something wrong with him, and he just can't walk away from her. I hate this girl with all the hate in my heart for what she's done to my brother. She is incredibly negative, childish, and just overall bad news. I understand that he cares for her...but how can I make him understand that he's destroying his life? I would like to see my brother be social again, and focus on work and school...but he is just so wrapped up in whats going on with this girl and how terrible he feels.They break up and get back together frequently, and this time, I want it to be for good! My little brother deserves better than that brat and even he knows it! As his older sister, how can I communicate how I feel and influence him to change? Both of us have a history of suicidal tendancies and I'm really concerned for him. We can't really count on our family much....it's pretty much just me and him. Everyone else wants them to break up (out of concern for my brother, not love for drama)and no one seems to be getting through! Please help!
View related questions:
anniversary, depressed, get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Happivibes  +, writes (22 August 2008):
 Could they involved in drugs? the symptoms you describe sound like its a strong possibility and may also explain why he is so beholden to her. Think about how you describe isolation from friends, family, work social life, schooling, thin, pale, sunken eyes, depressed obsessed....? Thats what bells are ringing with me.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 August 2008):
 Your brother won't make any changes for as long as he doesn't see by himself what is going on, and he doesn't consider himself a person worthy of respect. Maybe you have been trying to convince him with intellectual reasoning, and that doesn't work in matters of the heart. He needs to feel, with his heart, that he deserves better.
The bad part of telling a person that someone damages him/her is that they tend to defend the abuser, because that's one way to defend themselves. It's something like "You see, she's not abusing me really; if she did, I would not have any respect for myself, and that's not the case".
Why don't you ask him to come to Dear Cupid? If he gets the same advice from strangers, perhaps he will be convinced more easily.
...............................
|
