A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am now doing something I thought I would never do. I now live with a married man. When we got together it wasn't suppose to end up like this, it was just for fun because I am 13 years older than him. I was getting a divorce and he wasn't married but living with the mother of his children. Their relationship was rocky and not lasting but he stopped our relationship because of the children. It didn't work and she moved out and moved on. We had almost 4 years of happiness, good times, and great sex. We were both struggling but him more than me because of the child support. Of course, I helped him but then I went to purchase my own home and thought that he would ask me to move in with him or he could move in with me. Financially it would be a good thing but he didn't instead I went on to buy the house. Shortly after, I learned that he met someone on the way home from work and began seeing her (she's younger than him by 4 years). At first, I thought well he's not married to her but he then moved her in to his home (he was renting) and I just couldn't do the share thing so I told him to go. He did but he continued to call, I wouldn't answer his calls for a very long time. After 2 years, he shows up on my door step after trying to call and see me many times and says he wants to be with and live with me. He was there for a 2 weeks and then hit me with the bomb...he got married. This took me for quite a loop!!! He told me so many times that he loved me, thought about nothing else but me. He even said he thought about me on the airplane to Vegas where they got married. He said he didn't know why he got married and she said she didn't either. He stayed another 2 weeks or so and then told me he had to go back but he was getting a divorce. See all his belongings where still at the house. I told him to just go and please leave me alone...I could not take it . Well that was before Christmas and there has not been one day that hasn't gone by that he hasn't tried to call or come see me. I would not answer his calls or open the door. Recently he came and brought his clothes. He moved in saying he will get a divorce. He asked her to move but she says she's not going anywhere so he moved. I am so in love with him and he says the same. He says its over because he made the biggest mistake in his life. The problem is last night his sister called him and asked him to come over to the old house because she wants to kill herself. He went to see what was going on and his family jumped all over him. telling him that a real man would not leave his wife over an argument and that he needs to try to work it out, etc. What should I do?
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christmas, divorce, married man, moved in, moved out Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 August 2008):
 I am sorry that things didn't work out with him; I know that it's so hard to lose someone you love, but I think he was hers first. So I applaud your positive attitude toward the future and the fact that you are moving on. I do hope that you find the right guy for you soon.
Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): Thanks so much to those who responded...Guess mine was the "same old story" cause I only got the 2 responses and the advice was the same. Unfortunately I didn't get the chance to do it because he went back home the next day. His parents and other family members got to him. They made him feel guilty. He says he needs to take care of his situation. He says he loves me and wants to be with me and he will. Well, I have heard that before from him so I told him we will see. I miss him terribly because I do miss not having someone to share my life with but I am also very relieved that he went home because I'm not the type of woman to be involved with a man who is not available. Being a woman who has loved and loss, I certainly understand what it must be doing to the other woman, if she still loves and cares. Thanks again and once again I am Moving on!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 August 2008):
Me, I'd tell him to move out, get his life sorted out, do what needs to be done, then come back when he's a free man. But actually, I would have shown him the door when he told me he'd gotten married. He threw away 4 years of your life for heaven's sake!!!! It's just going to end in tears for someone, and I wouldn't want to be part of that particular soap opera.
He's lied, he's cheated, he's chased women who aren't technically available, he got married! Hmmm. Not such a good bet. Why on earth did he get married? He doesn't have a clue what he wants, does he?
Perhaps he's handsome and charming and all that, but um, yuck. He's a mess. I'd even doubt his motives for moving in with you. It saves on housing costs, doesn't it?
Well, that's my rather harsh assessment of this man. You do what you want to do, personally, he'd be history in my book.
Best wishes for a happy future with a good man.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (22 August 2008):
 Move on. You owe him nothing until he is free and single and then you can make a decision if you want to be with him. Right now, you are only adding a level of complexity to an already complex situation. This man doesn't sound like he has a clue what he wants so don't you go and be his fall lady. He seriously needs to do some soul searching to understand what he has done and what he will do. For now, leave him be and try to find someone available.
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