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female
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anonymous
writes: I feel like when I try to talk to my boyfriend, when I am upset, he doesn't know how to listen empathetically, even though I know he is just confused and not sure what to do. He asks me "what do you want me to say?", but of course I don't want him to read me a script. I just want him to let me know he's listening, that he understands, and that he is here for me and cares. I told him as much, but he is still a useless listener, and it's really frustrating to think my partner can't also be my friend in a time of need. what should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, prttymtlkitty +, writes (28 April 2006):
 Some men won't listen unless there is a reason, or a problem they can help you solve. I would if I were you, stop beating my head up against that wall pronto and talk to someone else who is capable. If you are upset in his presence, he will sense it and perhaps ask. But I wouldn't put it on his door step unless he shows interest in knowing why your feeling or acting like you are. Everybody is different in that area and you can try different approaches to see which best suits his communication style. You need the right key to open the right door.;-)
A
female
reader, orkney girl +, writes (27 April 2006):
try writting it down instead!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): Has he always been this way?If he has - you are trying to change him in to someone he isn't. Some people just can't handle talking about what they are thinking, they are uncomfortable with it.If communication in the past has been better, at least you know he's capable of it, and hopefully you can get through your differences.It sounds like to me you want more from the relationship than you are getting. Work on trying to change things but accept that there must be a point when you have to stop trying. There's a difference between helping someone open up with their feelings and trying to make someone who their not. Good luck with it all.
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