A
male
age
36-40,
*thacachris
writes:Hi All -I've been dating my gf for a little over a year. We love each other deeply, live together, and I know from various sources she wants to marry me one day.Even though she is on the pill, I wear a condom every time we have sex. I hate wearing a condom, especially knowing she's on the pill. Once in a while I won't wear a condom for a little bit and then put one on after a couple of minutes, or I will finish on her body. Her thinking is she likes to be extra safe. Neither of us have diseases or cheat so it's a pregnancy thing. Of course, I don't want a child right now, but the pill is nearly 100 percent effective. What bothers me is that she has had condom-less sex in the past, sometimes even before she went on the pill. But why won't she let me, the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with, cum inside her?Any advice on how to politely discuss this with her? I've brought it up before and all she says is she wants to be extra safe. Any suggestions? Should I let it go? Can I tell her it bothers me that she's done it without them in the past but won't with me???Thanks a head of time.
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condom, the pill Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): I'm sure she does love you very deeply but maybe she's just scared tht she'll have a baby. Simple as that!I hope I helped
A
female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (24 October 2008):
 I dont think you should be scared to ask her that, its something thats on your mind, you shouldnt have to hide it. The more you leave things on your mind and dont discuss them the more they pile up and turn into resentment. It should really be the other way around, with me i never had sex without a condom until my current boyfriend. I dont think its a question you should be worried about her response, just make sure you ask her camly. Dont ask her why she wont do it with you, rather why she has in the past and what made her change her mind. But dont get angry. Talk about your feelings and how it makes you feel that she has done it previously but not with you.
In some girls, the pill in ineffective completely at contraception, but you say she has been on it and not get pregnant then it must be working.
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A
male
reader, ithacachris +, writes (22 October 2008):
ithacachris is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi jamie90 - i agree. i do think it is strange that she has done if before but not now with me, especially since she claims "i am the one".is there anyway to straight out ask her why she could do it in the past but not with me?
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A
female
reader, jaime90 +, writes (22 October 2008):
Trust me if your already having these thoughts its only going to get worse. if you want to sleep with other women its not going to work out.
but in relation to the condom thing, i think its strange that she woul have done it before but not now. i am on the pill and trust it 100%. i have even missed pills in the most vunerable stage to get pregnant and i didnt.
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A
male
reader, ithacachris +, writes (20 October 2008):
ithacachris is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni haven't considered counseling....yet. problems with her past is a relatively new issue with me, as she is the first and only person i've slept with.
though she has settled on me as 'the one', i'm still unsure because a) i just graduated college and have a lot of my life to figure out and b) i'm not sure i can live my life and only sleep with one woman. if i decide to spend the rest of my life with her and her past is still an issue, then i'll seek counseling.
but as to the topic of this thread - i agree with most here and say i'll let it be for now. cumming in a condom is okay enough, and on her is actually REALLY nice. thanks all!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): If you are having difficulty dealing with her past, don't fight with her about it. (That will destroy your relationship). Try and overcome the problem. Have you considered counseling?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): I really think you just need to give it time, or maybe it just makes her feel better knowing your both protected. Maybe she's afraid your cheat on her on pass on a std or something, it's really something you need to have a talk with her about, don't bring up her past relationships as that just get her barriers up straight away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do to change her mind on this. I've been with my wife for 6 years and she still doesn't completely trust the pill either. She made me wear a condom in the beginning but, after a couple of years, allowed me to ditch them as long as I pulled out. It makes her feel safer, so I accepted the compromise. I wouldn't press her on it or she might resist even more. My advice would be to let it go. In time, she may relax and change her mind. If she doesn't, it's not the end of the world. No one has a perfect sex life. Besides, cumming in a condom or on her belly still feels good doesn't it?
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A
male
reader, ithacachris +, writes (20 October 2008):
ithacachris is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone.of course i respect her wishes and will continue to. it is a little discouraging though. she knows her sexual past bothers me, and we just got into another fight about it (i get upset, then she feels hurt/like a slut) so i will let it be for a while then maybe bring it up again.she has been tested and is clean.i think "accidentally" finishing inside her, as the last person suggested, is the completely wrong thing to do, though.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Whatever you do, do not tell her that it bothers you that she's had unprotected sex with others before you cause otherwise you won't be using a condom for a long time unless you like wearing one while you masturbate. Oh and you say you're both STD free but she's had unprotected sex before you, has she been tested? She might still be scared about that or maybe you should just pretend you're not close but them finish inside her, once she calms down and finds out that she hasn't got pregnant from it, she might be more willing to save the condom.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Discuss your feelings with her, but do respect her wishes to be extra safe. Rather a condom then an unwanted pregnancy.
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