A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I am a 37 year old woman who is engaged to a 47 year old man. We both have been divorced 2wice, so If we marry, it will be our 3rd time. He has 2 daughters, by 2 different mothers. One is 28 and lives far away, married with kids, the other is 15 and lives locally. Usually comes up to stay 1nce a week to visit. I have a 6 year old daughter that I am sharing custody of with my ex. I already know she's a threat to the 15 year old. I have reached out above and beyond to no avail with my fiancee's 15 year old. She is completely jealous of me and her dad's relationship. I have talked to her, approached it with an open mind, tried to let her know that i am not here trying to take her dad away, he deserves happiness, so do I and we have found it in each other. Last year, I got a beautiful engagement ring from him on Xmas eve. I got "no response" from either daughter. Okay, I could pretty much figure out how they felt just by that. I have my own little girl that needs love and affection and attention. I dont have time to worry about his kids liking or disliking me, YET I do. I feel that when you marry, you DO marry the family. Because of the tension of his kids, we seem to argue a lot and I know I won't stand a chance, I dont know what to do ! He has had that " long serious " talk with them last year, things were better for about a month. Things seem to be fine with him as long as I let things " roll off my back". My family does not do anything like that to him and he's always been treated fairly and respected. He has made it clear that he isn't going to "alienate " his kids. Nor do I want him too. But as the fiance and his partner.....how much am I supposed to "suck" up just to make the relationship work ??
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Take care of your little girl. Treat your partner with love and respect. Ignore the pittiness and attitudes of his daughter. Be polite to them, but let them see that you are strong and that you are not going to give up on there father due to there jealousy and childish acts.
No matter how difficult, don't let them notice that they are upsetting you and don't let them create tension between you and your partner.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 October 2008):
 I'm afraid you really need to develop a tough skin and be willing to "suck" up quite a bit if you want to keep this relationship viable. Hopefully given enough time his daughters will come around and accept the situation maybe even find a friend in you. However in the mean time try not to let it get to you, you be the class act.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): it's very difficult situation but possibly if you show commitment to him, then maybe she'll understand. Try to talk to her though this is probably really trickey and make her understand how complex and difficult it is for everyone involved. good luck and at the end of the day you'll probably know whats right for you.
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