A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's been 2 years since we broke up and i can't get over him.. We were together for almost 2 years.. He was my first love,my first long,serious relationship,he was everything to me,we loved each other,we went abroad to study together,we were there for each other.. But he was very possessive and sometimes violent.. That is why i left him.. I know it was the right thing to do and i shouldn't even think about getting back together but he seems to be always in my mind,everything reminds me of him,all of the men i meet can not be compared to him.. I just can't forget him.. I am so sad about this,i cry almost every night about him.. Can someone advice me on how i can help myself?? How can i finally and truly get over him?? Thank you..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): I agree with janniepeg, you had happy times before you met, you will again. Her advice about retraining your brain is brilliant!
You probably won't ever forget him, but you will get over him. I split with my ex after 12 years and 2 children,he just walked out. We shared - as so many married couples who split, so much, but you learn to move on. You leave them behind in your head.
Think of the bad times,if he could be possesive and violent then you would have been pretty miserable long term.
Just focus on the good things in your life now,summer on its way, your young free and single!
A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (19 March 2012):
 I love the first answer. I also think that there are some people you never "get over" and you just have to learn to live without. I find that it just takes years... That the sadness just gets easier to live with till you hardly remember it. I have found that fighting the pain doesn't help, that its best to just face it, instead of suppressing it, to conform to society's idea of how quick we need to "get over" things
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A
female
reader, bubblygirl  +, writes (19 March 2012):
Hello,
I felt the same way after my first love. He only used me for convienence and sex but I always thought he loved me. It took me 2 1/2 years to get over him completely. I found that the reason why was because I was constantly checking up on him on Facebook and his blog so I constantly felt tied to him. If you're doing the same, stop. It only prolonged my process and hurt me more. Just like Janniepeg said, you have to remember you had good times before your ex. Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (18 March 2012):
 Your brain has got used to depression and you attribute every reason to being sad to the break up. You have to remember that you've had happy times before you even met your ex. Keep doing the things that used to make you happy. You have to retrain your brain and develop new neuropathways that there are other things you make you happy again. It can take up to 3 weeks for your brain to adapt to a change. Think of new things or hobbies that you might like to try.
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