A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi.Ok, so i recently found out what the guy i like, likes in a girl. He said he likes a girl with a great personality, who can have a bit of banter and who makes an effort. I always make an effort, without a doubt its just the great personality and banter part. I personally dont think i have a great personality, i find it hard to start conversations and my confidence drops when it comes to boys. Please, any advice or help you can give me to help me gain a fun personality and explain what he means by banter?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): You can't just gain it over night. Live an active lifestyle and find out what your passions are. Wether it's art, playing an instrument or doing sports. Build up your social circle. Always be kind to people, smile. Be successful at school. That way you will develop your personality naturally.
A
female
reader, CollegeCutie  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 i had the same problem it just takes pracice. obviously your not nervous around ever guy you talk to. try it like this a guy you wouldnt normally pay attention too say like a more nerdy or geek type start a conversation with them just say hi and ask how they are and such. Making a conversation with a guy you like can be difficult and make us girls come off as quite dumb a lot of the time. So just practice with other people. walk down the street ask someone what time it is making simple conversation with people you dont know makes it easier to make conversation with people you do. this will also allow you to become more shy which makes it easier to talk to people in general so just try and be more open. just remember dont force a conversation nothing is worse then being stuck in an awkward conversation. hope this helps a little bit:)
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 Banter is the back-and-forth funny/witty things people say to each other. The best way I can think of to practice it would be to go out people-watching with some funny friends, or with this guy. Just watch people on a busy sidewalk and make comments as they go. It takes some practice to do it without crossing any lines, so be prepared for a faux pas or two. That's normal, don't beat yourself up if you say something bad.
A quick and easy way to put more fun into your personality is to just be a little more impulsive. Do something without thinking about it. For instance, if he says, "Let's go somewhere else," rather than saying, "Where do you want to go?" say "OK!" and get up and start walking in a random direction, stopping at the first interesting place you see.
90% of what a guy means when he says "Makes an effort" is just not flaking. If you make a date, a promise, or give your word in any way, live up to it, and you'll stand out from most girls. Respond to his calls and texts in a timely fashion and you'll be a goddess.
Now, with that said, don't put too much stock in what people say they like. Have you met any girl he has dated, asked out, or just liked without acting on it? Sometimes people say they like a trait because it sounds nice, but don't actually act on it. If he doesn't end up liking you, it's not because of any shortcoming on your part, it's just a disconnect between what he wants and what he claims to want.
Most importantly of all, remember that you're not trying to be a different person, you're adding to yourself and expanding your personality. It's self-improvement, not self-repression. Having confidence issues is normal, but as long as you're willing to work on it, you'll do fine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): Hiya,Banter in its simplest form is the ability to just have fun conversations. Nothing too serious, just fun quirky chats.Us women are terrible for somehow turning a chat into a debate or into something serious. Even a simple 'hello, how are you?' from a boy can lead us to talk about things that are dull and boring when we COULD instead say something interesting and perhaps funny, understand?Example: Boy says 'How are you?'We respond with ' yeah, grand. bla bla boring chat about daily stuff'.When what we could say is 'good until I saw your face!'Or 'Aren't you nosey?' (then wink and smile) We've all had it. Someone comes to talk to us, asks how we are, and after a few minutes they seem nearly desperate to walk away. Why? We've just been dull and boring!!! We've MADE THEM want to walk away!!! Your goal is to prevent this. A great personality makes others try to join in on a chat you're having with someone! It makes, not only the original person you were talking too, but others want to be around you!Making an effort... means not just giving the same dull responses to questions everyone gives, it means ACTIVELY talking to him too!!Look up things online related to being confident etc.You'll do great!! xxx
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