| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: I've been married for 40 years, I don't love my wife and I thinks she knows that. Recently friends of ours have split up, I am absolutely obsessed with the woman in this split and I can't help thinking of her all of the time. Could you suggest ways of getting this woman out of my mind and forming a better relationship with my wife.Thank You
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female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (18 September 2006):
 Perhaps you could talk to your wife and ask her how she feels about you. Does she say she loves you? I respect your decision in wanting to may it work with your wife. Try writing down on your own, aspects of the relationship you like and aspects that you miss that were once there. What has changed? Is it repairable? Perhaps you could go on a holiday together and try to see her through new eyes, maybe you have just become familiar or bored with the relationship and you could change the routine for you both. Is there a shared interest you could develop, a culture holiday, or a course at college?
As for distracting your thoughts, that is difficult, but perhaps keeping busy during those obsessive times with a good book or TV program may help, or even divert the attention to your wife and give her a chance, she may even welcome a break from the monotony herself and be willing to do something adventurous.
A
male
reader, CRS698 +, writes (18 September 2006):
 Hi there, But you say you don't love your wife anymore? But 40 years is a long time. Maybe your so obsessed with the other woman because you're looking for a way out? The other woman would be a way out but that could cause a lot of pain for you and your wife. If you don't want to be with your wife anymore it would be better to be honest and do something about that first?
I hope it works out for you.
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