A
female
age
41-50,
*harohqueen211
writes:So I'm going to try and be brief with my history. I am married to the absolute love of my life. He has done everything completely right...Up to this point. Back in october 08 I took in a 17 year old girl who was heading down a path I knew all too well. I got her sober and back in school. He was against it said she couldn't be trusted. I found out she was very promiscuous and it made me think. I asked her had she done anything with my husband she said no. I asked him he said the same. I told her he admitted everything to me. She spilled it all to me. Said it was just once when I went to bed early. They were drunk and it only lasted a couple of seconds. I told him that she admitted to it (without giving him any details) and he told me the same story. This happened in late October and it's now January I'm finding out. I put her out and am trying to work it out with him. Also about a year ago I cheated on him so my question is: does he have the right for revenge? How can I forgive him? Where do I begin to find the forgiveness over the anger and pain?
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female
reader, TornHeart +, writes (31 January 2009):
 Well, because you cheated on him as well, I really don't think you have a right to be angry with him. Hurt, yes-- angry, no. I think you need to tell him that you cheated too (if you haven't already) and you need to talk to each other about why you did it. Where you lacking something from your own relationship? Also, you might want to have a romantic weekend together and re-kindle the flames a little.
You did say this lasted "a couple seconds", you might want to ask yourself how long it was when YOU cheated. You both owe each other and apology-- kiss and makeup.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): This is the 2nd time in 2 days I heard here, a wife took in a single, troubled woman into her home, and she either seduced him or they just did it! Why do women keep doing this?
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A
female
reader, Pharohqueen211 +, writes (31 January 2009):
Pharohqueen211 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to clarify one more quick thing. I was never planning on cheating on him again.
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A
female
reader, Pharohqueen211 +, writes (30 January 2009):
Pharohqueen211 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u everyone for your help.
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A
female
reader, Pharohqueen211 +, writes (30 January 2009):
Pharohqueen211 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes in deed he does know i cheated. It was a stupid drunk one night stand. I told him imediately. I think what hurts more than anything was that it was right under my nose in my house. They both lied until they couldnt any more and i think that is why i lost so much trust for him. Had he just said look u did this so i did this in return... But with someone besides the child i took in... It would have been easier to swallow. Pardon the pun.
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A
male
reader, Mr. Sensitive  +, writes (30 January 2009):
 How terrible, for both of you.It's clear that there were challenges coming up in the relationship, and that both of your affairs are likely symptoms of a growing distance between you.Icelordess is quite right. Counseling. Now. Don't wait even a day to start finding the name of a good one. Talk to friends, ask around. You don't be specific about why. Just say you're having trouble. That gives both of you some privacy later when and if things get better.And revenge just twists the knife in deeper. Don't. As you trust yourself less, you'll start to trust him less (as I'm sure you already know). And love IS trust. Trusting him and yourself. Loving him, and yourself. You both have a long way back to find the love you once had. Don't make the trip any longer.God bless, and work hard.
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A
male
reader, cdjudd +, writes (30 January 2009):
I wouldn't say anyone has the right for revenge, mostly because revenge solves nothing. The fact that you two have done this to each other should easily put this into perspective. Does he know about your affair? Because if not, you should tell him and wipe the record clean. It's hard to get over things such as this. Even when I admitted to my ex, that while we were broken up I slept with someone. She to this day has never admitted cheating on me, even though I have had numerous situations where I'm sure she did. The point is, it's hard to cope with infidelity, but you also can't get distraught, especially since you have done the same thing. As for how you get over this, the best thing I can tell you is remember why you married him and be faithful from here on out. The best cure is communication for most issues. Give it a shot. I hope this makes it alittle easier. Best of luck.
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