A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm starting to worry about what people think of me at university where I'm studying. I don't feel like I've been under very much stress lately, but for whatever reason, I just have a feeling that people are starting to like me less than they used to.Just recently, I feel like the jokes that my so-called friends tell are always at my expense, or, I feel like they don't take anything I say seriously. I'm a proud person, and I demand to be treated with respect. If I found out that I wasn't respected at university I think I would drop out. I'm not a clown, and I will not be seen as one by my fellow students. Despite all this, just last night I was invited round to one of their flats where they were having a party.I don't know what to do. If I talk to them about it then it could look as though I'm making a big deal over nothing, or that I can't take a joke. I have a great sense of humor, but I can't handle being ridiculed at every turn. No one can.Could I be looking too much into this? As I mentioned, they're still inviting me out with them, so they must like having me around. Am I being a little too sensitive?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 January 2009):
 Let it run of your back honey. You are at Uni to study to get educated further, not to win a popularity contest.
If you feel any of your friends is being derogate towards you, then take some time of from that friend. If they later approach you tell them what (whichever situation it was that made you feel bad) and how it made you feel.
I have from Kindergarten been the class clown, but usually also the top 3 student. All the way thru college too. Most of the friends that I still have ( 39 now) are from my childhood and college years. I'm sure they have made fun of me over the time and I of them. I have a very dry sense of humor, so I have to watch at times how I word things. Thankfully my friends know me well enough to "get" me. And they always knew me well enough to tell me if I said something that hurt or offended them. I'm NOT a very political correct person humor wise. Never was, not going to start now, YET I do think before I speak.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): You know what, just the fact that you are asking this question tells me one thing about you, you are not listening to your feelings....if you aren't feeling right about the group that you are hanging out with and you don't like their negative comments, then you owe it to yourself to stop hanging around with them and looking for some friends who are willing to give you a reciprocal relationship where a friend cares about you and gives you what you are giving back to you. Everyone deserves that.
My take on this is you are telling yourself that you have to fit in with the party crowd to be a cool, laid back person. Sometimes these folks seem to be a lot of fun, they are where the action is at, but you know what? Sometimes they are just a bunch of fools with shallow personalities and lack moral character....and intelligence. My bet is that you are more intelligent and posess more character than these so called friends and you are trying to fit in to avoid boredom....dig a little deeper, search a little further and find like-minded people....partying is not the answer to a fulfilling life....and there are some way cool people who are into more interesting endeavors, you just have to give them a chance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): This is a difficult situation, because you don't know what your friends are really thinking about you. Sometimes it is almost easier to deal with someone who openly dislikes you than a supposed "friend" who is treating you poorly. If you don't say anything, the actions could continue, but if you do, you could be seen as being a "baby" or possibly start an argument that could turn your frenemies into actual enemies.
There could be several reasons for your friends' "jokes". Maybe they think you are laid back and secure enough that you won't get offended. It is also quite possible that your friends are not treating you differently than they treat each other, but that you are so focused on their comments towards you that you don't notice their jabs at one another. One particularly harsh joke directed at you could have made you more sensitive to harmless comments, causing you to look for an underlying meaning where there isn't one. You said they still invite you out; it's unlikely that they would do so if they genuinely disliked you.
Usually the best way to address concerns is by talking about it, but in this case I would advise against it. If you accuse them of bullying you, regardless of whether they actually meant it or not, they could get defensive and start really bullying you. Next time someone makes an off-color comment to you, make a little joke right back at them at their expense (don't be too harsh, or you'll look like the mean one). If they can dish it out, then they can take it, and if they can't, at least it will shut them up for a little while.
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