A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey. Well basically I'll try and keep this short, after the summer holidays it has been decided that i am now going to go to a new high school.I've missed about 6 months of my education and am extremely behind and I've been being home tutored now for about 2 months. i have to stop home tutorring because its extremely stressful, as i rely on myself and my mum to teach me. I don't feel like i'm getting anywhere and even though i do understand most of it i feel like i have no second opinion on it, so it makes me more stressed.I missed 6 months of my education because i suffered extreme depression and bullying, it caused me to have a mental breakdown and i had to be hospitalized as it upset me so much. I didn't go back to school for so long because even going out was painful and when i did go back on one day but people laughed and made fun of what had happened, so i left and decided to become home tutored.Anyway after the summer hols i will be going to a new school, its not very close to here and no one knows me there. I have social anxiety and do still have little bursts of depression now and then, so for me meeting new people and going to a place where i have no where to hide is hell for me.I have panic attacks when i'm out on my own somtimes and once or twice when i get put in those situations i feel like i'm going to faint. I'm worried everyone will start bullying me again and worried everyone will target me like happened last time. I'm worried about everything and can't put my mind at rest. I keep thinking can we afford the uniform ? Will i get a good education ? Will people hate me ? Its all spinning round and round in my head and i'm so worried. I have don't seem to get on with anyone and i keep thinking that this is just going to turn out like last time. Ive decided that when i do go to school i'll be going there to work and thats it, i don't want any friends or anything. I can't deal with going through all the stress again. Any ideas of how i can just blend in and be the person no one notices ? I know its strange i don't want friends but last time i had someone they all betrayed me and made me insecure and made me sad.How can i fit in ? will things be different this time ? Am i going to be able to catch up and make a good future for myself ? Am i worrying to much ?Please advise me as i'm so worried thanks for reading this x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replys. But it isnt just a few people its loads, around the area i live in i can't unfortunely go out without some sort of drama happening or somone wanting a fight.
This area is different tho so hopfully things won't be as bad. Public schools are really rather terrible here to, the last 3 schools i went to were terrible. My first school they put me in a learning diffuculty class but then after spending 3 years in that group learning work which was way to easy for me they told me that there was nothing wrong with me from the start.
Second school no one would listen to me or help me with work i did'nt understand. And my last highschool had a track record of goverment help because they werent teaching the pupils properly and the teachers were as bad as the students.
I did decide my act in this school i will act myself of course but i will only really speak when i'm spoken to, i don't really want to mingle with anyone else and if anyone gives me attitude i will give it back just as much.
I understand that depression makes things seem 100 times worse than they are and i know that i do take things over the top. But you see in my last school i really did nothing wrong, i did'nt go looking for trouble i done my own thing mixed with my own people and just stayed out of the way, but people targated me for no reason what so ever thats why i'm so paranoid it will happen again.
Thankyou both for you advice i will try and be as confident as i can and work to the fullest.
A
male
reader, BJacobs  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Confidence is the key... and i wouldnt throw friends out the window because they are an important part of life and can help you feel good about yourself. All you have to do is be cofident and dont give a crap what ppl think of you, you live life for yourself why should you give a care in the world what some preppy person thinks of you. Chances are you are a much better person than them and that alone is a blessing. Just relax and realize that having a casual conversation isnt such a big deal as you think... it took me FOREVER to get that knocked into MY head. As for you education, just ask for help and DO NOT give up. Going in on free time like lunck or before or after school are great times to get help too if you feel nervious about the people around you.
I truely hope things get better for you. I have had a sister go through what you are going through and it is a rough thing. msg me anytime if you would like to talk!
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (15 August 2011):
 You sound like me at your age. Got a few things for you to keep in mind.
First, the worst thing about depression is that ordinary, common "bad-day" stuff feels like the end of the world. Depression magnifies mild consternation into serious angst. Someone says they disagree with you in a particularly mean way, and even though they won't remember it in ten minutes, for you it's like a punch in the gut. When you feel yourself obsessing over something bad that happened, take a deep breath, remind yourself that it's probably not that big a deal in the long run, and focus on whatever you plan to do next with your day.
Find a physical and spiritual outlet. Join a sport, or just go for a run in the mornings and evenings. Meditate, pray, or write - whichever appeals to you. You'd be surprised how a little physical exhaustion and emotional release can be so cathartic.
"I'm worried everyone will start bullying me again and worried everyone will target me like happened last time."
People bully everyone. Like I said, depression magnifies the ordinary feelings of victimization from bullying and turns it into the end of the world. That's the nasty part about it. Make the best comebacks you can; when you can't make one, shrug and laugh and admit they got you good, then promise yourself to do a little better next time.
"Will i get a good education ? Will people hate me ?"
If your education isn't good enough for you, you can always read on your own. Given that you live in Britain, your education should be a fair sight better than public schools on my side of the Pond. As for if someone hates you, screw 'em, they're probably a bunch of losers anyway. Someone will like you, and you always have the option of liking yourself.
"Any ideas of how i can just blend in and be the person no one notices ?"
Trying to avoid notice is, paradoxically, a good way to stand out as "the quiet one," and is pretty stressful to boot. Just go with the flow - it's okay if you're not comfortable seeking out social interaction, but don't go out of your way to avoid it either, you'll just get worked up with anxiety about that. Be nice to the people around you, and if you're feeling brave one day, say something innocuous - ask to form a study group with someone, for example. If you're desperate to avoid people during lunch, you can eat on your own and then go to the library, but it might be easier just to join a basketball or soccer (sorry, football) game, where you can be around people without having to say much of anything.
"I know its strange i don't want friends but last time i had someone they all betrayed me and made me insecure and made me sad."
It happens. Life isn't perfect, and people aren't either. You have to have a few failed friendships before you find the good ones, and law of averages says some people are going to have a few more bad ones before they find the good ones. You're not a failure, or a bad person, you just hit a spot of bad luck. You may hit another spot or two before your good luck kicks in, but that's just life, and there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
"How can i fit in ? will things be different this time ? Am i going to be able to catch up and make a good future for myself ?"
Things will be as different as you make them. No one can control their circumstances completely, but we can control how we react to them. Your ability to catch up is based entirely on how much you're willing to apply yourself. And fitting is is, oddly enough, about finding the place that works for you, rather than trying to fit in every place at once. So, for instance, if drama club isn't for you, stop worrying what the drama club folks think and go try out for, say, the softball team. You don't need everyone to love you, and life isn't over if a few people hate you. You'll find your place, with patience and persistence.
Remember, it's not as bad as you think. How big an effect does your worst enemy from when you were 10 have on your life now? Things pass. Best of luck.
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