A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am now seperated from my wife of 15 years and trying to learn how to date and read the signals again. I am in my mid forties.There is a girl i know at the gym (mid thirties) who I get on very well with. We have had kisses and cuddles in the past during nights out - when I was still married!For the past few months we have texted each other nearly every day - when my wife saw the texts (I let her take photos on my phone and she read my texts - fairly basic error I know) she got really angry as she claimed I was having an emotional affair - so you can guess what was in the texts!Since my separation I have asked her out several times and I get no response. I would be quite happy with a no as at least I would know where I stood but I get nothing!Following my separation I have a new house and this girl has bought me presents and been round to the the house to see what it was like.I should add that I tried it on with one of her friends and failed! - but this has reappeared in occasional cutting comments from her.I want to ask her directly why she wont go out with me - but I dont want to loose what we have either.I want to take things further but I am currently very very confused - what signals is she sending me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): Thanks for the responses. I think I agree that she is worried I will hurt her and therefore I need to take things slowly.
We got very close in April this year but then she found out something I had said or done and went very cold overnight - she has never told me what but I suspect it was related to her friend as I had been on a night out with her and other people just before then.
We saw each other at the gym last night - she waited for me to get changed and we walked to our cars together - but her friend was also there which prompted various sarcastic comments!
The incident with her friend occurred before I started getting close to her - and I have no feelings for her friend now - but I have got to rebuild her trust.
thanks again.
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 My best guess would be that she was initially attracted to you, but feels you are not worth getting emotionally tangled with.
After all, you are seperated, not divorced. You are technically not available are are ripe more for a fling than a real relationship.
Also, since your wife is upset by what she found-does she see your seperation the same way YOU do? If you are looking to date others; is your marriage on "a break" or completely over? Let your wife know where she stands.
If the marriage is OVER, do things the right away and do your work so you can date free and clear. A lot of women will not take a man seriously if he has a wife he can always go back to.
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A
male
reader, BJacobs +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Well i dont have much experience with this kinda thing but i would say that she might feel bad for breaking up you and your wife (if thats what happend) and might not know what to think, do, or even how to feel and chances are she does want to date you but might feel guilty if she does... thats how i see it but what do i kno im only 16 phycoloy changes alot from your teens to your 40+ years
Hope things turn for the best
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (15 August 2011):
she probably thinks you are going to cheat on her you.ve tried it on with her friend and while you were still married you were texting her and cuddling her on nights out she probably can,t trust you it sounds like she likes you but she.s scared your going to hurt her
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): She may have interest in you but if I were her, you don't some like a good investment relationship wise. You have already demonstrated that you are you are cheater which shows lack of character and if you did it to the wife, you would do it to her. Plus you got involved with her friend which would be a huge turn off for me and make me feel less important. Women like to feel special and wanted. If you wanted this girl, why would you go out with one of her friends? (Dumbass;) If I were her, I would run the other way and blow you off. Difficult to tell what signals she is sending since we know so little. Maybe since you are available now it is not as interesting for her. People want what they can't have or maybe she thinks that you're a scumbag player. I guess time will tell.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (15 August 2011):
 From my experiences I would say this girl is not interested right now. Maybe she is interested in someone else and it's kind of a bad timing. Maybe she doesn't see you as bf material, even though you two came close and she made you gifts. Girls do that without necessarly having a romantic interest. It would have been convenient to just tell you a "no" but that automatically would meen that, since she is not interested, you would move on to someone else. Girls like to get attention from men even if they are not romantically interested in them. They might even pass you "fake hopes" so you keep giving them attention and have you around.
At this point I think there's nothing much you can do. You made your intentions perfectly clear! From my 15-years dating experience I learned that if a girl is interested, she reciprocates or she turns on a green light for you to come. All other reactions meen no interest. Best wishes! Let us know what happened.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): The fact you tried it on with a friend would be enough to put me right off a relationship - failed attempt or not -plus the fact you were texting and having contact while still with your wife - doesn't shout reliable or trustworthy. Just looks like you want anyone.
Maybe she's just getting to know you, she must be interested but your not showing that your a man who is dating material. Anyone just out of a relationship and not yet divorced is not seen as ready, they're not completely free and would probably want to spread their wings, be single for a while or may go back to their wife.
You can ask her outright but I would value her friendship for now and wait for more.
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