A
female
age
51-59,
*indy42
writes:Hi,about ten years ago which was two years after my dad died, my mum kept dropping big hints about my dad may not be my real dad, this was a total shock.( i never thought for one second that could ever be as i can see some resemblance) The hints were so big she obviously wanted me to ask, so i did and she told me. She then told me i may be my dads brother's, (who is now about 75), well they looked alike so.I thought i was coping with it at the time, but as years have gone by, i am finding it harder and harder not knowing, i did a genealogy course and found out about blood groups, i asked mum what my dads and his brothers blood groups were and she said she had no idea.Recently I asked my sister what her blood groups was and to find out what my brother's were, anyway she said hers was A neg, and my brother's - who knew he was the same as my dad's was B neg, my mother's was O neg. I knew then that my sister was defiantly NOT my dads, total shock to her, of course my mum could not deny it, but says she cannot remember his name at all!! even though they talked a lot.Simply I DO NOT believe her...she selfishly will let my sister suffer now in never knowing who she is, on top of this when she found out how blood groups can prove whether someone can be your father or not sometime. She suddenly remembers my uncle's blood group, even though it was 43 years ago, and didn't even know my dads, two brothers or three daughters.She keeps lying and changing her stories.What can i do?, she always goes hysterical when i ask her about it, saying, oh your dad is the one who brought you up, oh you think i am so bad, crying saying how do we think she feels ect. She is an emotional time bomb always waiting to go off.What should i do?, i am ten years down the line, but my sister only found out two days ago...and at least i know who my dad may be unlike her.p.s my uncle put two of his kids up for adoption when his wife died, this makes me think he will never agree to a DNA. And how could i find out his blood group, plus i doubt that his current wife knows. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): Make him bleed (by force or by fraud, you know, the law of the jungle?)and go collect your DNA sample!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): I am sorry you are going through this it is very unfair and you are being treated very coldly. I can tell from your post that you are desperately trying to do everything you can to find out and this is honourable and completely understandable. As the other post says DNA is the only way. The one thing that might sway your relative to take this test is that sometimes people can develop serious illnesses which are important from a genetic point of view. Someone I know who was adopted developed a disease and the hospital urged them, as it was rare, to try and locate their blood parents - even though they were adopted from birth and never wanted to find them. I am not saying to lie or develop a story but to explain how important it is calmly to them. If you absolutely know you will never get this far then there are other ways to obtain material (hair, saliva etc) from someone that can be used as already described by another poster but you will need to be careful. I would urge you to get professional advice on DNA testing as it may involve support / counselling after the results which could apply to your whole family and understand any legal implications if there are any about getting results without one party knowing.
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A
female
reader, chloe71z  +, writes (18 August 2008):
 the only way to know for shure is with a DNA test. Next time you are around him pull out a couple of his hears claiming that you thought it was a wild hair. Take it to a lab and get it tested against your own. It will probable cost you about 3 or 4 hundres but atleast you would know. If he smokes you can get one of his cigerets and have it tested also. give him a sucker and when he finishes it offer to throw away the stick that will be covered with his saliva. Saliva is what they like to use to test DNA they usually do a cheak swobb anyway. Good luck and GOD BLESS.
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