A
female
age
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*eelinbloo
writes:How can a spiuse regain trust after sneaking in porn and lieing ab outout it?We had an agreement that he would not look at porn when I'm home as I feel that is very disrespectful, but I have caught him several times taking quickie porn looking at quicky timeHe knows it hurts me, why does he continue looking and hirting me?why do they continually lie and break our trust.We love them and hate them at the saeme time because they lies about porn and keep hurting usy--when caught they become either really pissed and at you/ us and turn the issue on to uys, or they play the Im sorry, I fucked up again card poor me--f that!I used to be able feel so safe and secure with my husband but now I feel betrayal and not a day goes by that his porn needs do not seem are obviously more important than my feelings and our marriage.Leaving him would hurt and be tough but staying is too sometimes I feel so alone and wonder if maybe I'm a big prude who needs therapy to accept his porn desires....help mesome one please before all my self esteem and confidence are ripped away!im sooooo sick of the empty apologies!!!thank youbloo
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male
reader, Cowboy254 +, writes (9 March 2009):
Well all I can say is the question a this does he love you
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): I don't think all porn is degrading to women. But I understand and respect it that some people do feel that way.
Porn is something that clearly shows a tendency to affect one gender differently than the other one. So I think it's not realistic or fair to pick either side's feelings as the correct ones and declare the other side wrong.
So I think couples just need to find some kind of peace on this one case at a time. I agree that it tends to be an issue of trust more than an issue of sexual and entertainment habits.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): Get off his back. You're making an issue out of something you can share, and you're making him sneak a peak, making it more of draw, more of a taboo. Either sit down with him, or go read a book, or call him to bed -- he'd probably like that best, and he'll be ready to go. Lighten up. Most guys sneak a peak now 'n again. Jeeez.
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (5 March 2009):
 im going to be straight up. has ur sex life been affected? i would tell him this has destroyed ur confidence and ability to orgasm properly, that it has affected u physically, in regards to ur ability to climaz and soforth, and emotionally becuase its left u very insecure with ur own self. if he loves u and wants to continue having a healthy sex life with u, then hes going to have to make some hard choices. he can be single, and date his hand. im sure he may have already established an intimate relationship with his hands. i know a friend who was so severely affected by her bfs porn that she could not climax with him. she brought to his attention , in an eloquent way, ( presentation matters so the way u present it to him will determine if he will feel ur grief and say, im sorry, no more) and i tell u, no man wants to be without a warm loving body next to him, and a gf who cant cum, all guys love knowing they can please their gf so if u tell him it ij this way, he will think, hmm, if i continue my gf wont be able to climax, our sex life will come to a halt.... and i be basically cut off. guys, come on. u all know ONLY TOO WELL, what its like to feel insecure about performance and to feel insecure about ur size, about ur ability to please a girl efficiently. porn, to a lot of woman, has the same exact effect. it makes women question themselves, it hurts them, it makes them feel second hand, used, and just a tool for u to get off. we are humans too u know. and have emotions just like u. when my friend told her bf, after he stopped watching porn, and im serious, he gave ALLL his porn mags and dvds away, he stopped downloading porn and visiting free to view porn sites like redtube etc, and she regularily checks on the pc history, shes extremly savvy with computers and has found for the last year so far, he has not visited ANY sites etc. and u know what? their sex life blew the roof, shes extremly happy now, hes getting laid everyday, shes more willing to try different things, to switch things up so he feels satisfied and his own fetishes are being met. hes even happier than ever before. and he has no regrets about cutting off the porn. because as he said, its better to have a pussy that is warm and gushing on ur cock, and a gf who loves u and it shows, then to fight everyday, be miserable, and get urself off with the use of porn items that might be visually stimulating, but thats all. theres no love and intimacy returned with a dvd porn movie or a cold magazine. nothing compares. women are not that complicated. neither are men. its knowing the difference between ur own hand, or a warm loving body next to u each and everyday. and a quality relationship that others will envy. because u will both glow, and people will see it. and say, wow, look at that couple! the only time porn is acceptable is if both partners are into it. then go ahead. knock urself out.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (5 March 2009):
 You are right to feel the way that you do, and if you do not like porn then don't feel like you are in the wrong! You don't need to accept this! Tell him straight, give him an ultimatum! Porn or you!!! This may shock him into giving up the porn. Porn is degrading and disrespectful so you should not stand for this! X
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