A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my partner for 10 years. He is 12 years older than me, and we have two children together 5 and 6yrs old. 6 years ago he told me he didnt love me. By this time we had a 5 month old baby and another on the way. We seperated. After the birth of our second child he begged for another chance at having a family. Being older, he is manipulating and controling. He sez all the right things but never delivers. i recently discovered an online relationship with a woman he claims he never actually met. So I contact the girl and she tells me the same. Their relationship was strictly via email and text. They had planned on meeting but nothing ever eventuated. Once a month he goes away to spend time with his son, so now I cant help but wonder if he has another online girl in the wings. He says hes sorry and he loves me and it will never happen again but Can I ever believe anything he tells me? He never leaves a trace of his history online or on his phone. He never has... I dont know what to believe anymore, please help...
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): Thank you all for your responses. Since leaving the father of my children he has turned very sour. When I had the children he told me he didnt want to be named as their father on the birth certificates. Being young and inexperienced I believed him when he said "it's just a piece of paper, the kids will always know that Im their dad". I am regretting this decision now as he refuses to pay child support or help out with the kids. As far as hes concerned Its all my problem now because I was the one who ended the relationship. My lawyer has told me to save up for a paternity test and take it from there.I cannot afford to take legal action as I am now a single mother of 2. @iamheretohelpu: Ive always been the type of person to see the best in people. Y did I want to believe him? Because I wanted to believe that the last 10 years of my life was not a lie. @SoVeryConfused: Thank you for your advice, I really felt like you really understood me. What really helped me was your comment about "its not a reflection of me". Thank you, I was starting to wonder "what if i had of..."
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 You will never ever believe him. Trust me I lived with a man like this... (was married to him)
he was 11 years younger than I am so to say that the reason your partner is manipulative due to his age is wrong. He's the way he is because of his personality.
And that is inherent and will not change.
his need to have other women stroking his ego will never change... it's a sign IMO of lack of self-esteem and is NOT a reflection on you in any way.
It's hard to leave with two kids so close in age. Mine were 3 and 5 when I left my first husband.... thankfully he was an adult about it and we have always had a very civil and friendly divorce. We did it for the children. You must try to do that too. If he doesn't step up as a dad that's on him.
I don't know how hard it is for you since you are not married to him to get a lawyer and get some paperwork in place to protect the kids interests. He will need to be paying you child support for those kids if you leave.
I think in time you will be strong enough and ready to leave.
...............................
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (22 February 2013):
 Ive learned through proper training early in life everybody lies. I wouldnt believe anything people say cause you never knoe unless you witness first hand but then again eyes play tricks on you to. Its kind of like faith if you do believe it believe in the unknown. But know that it will happen.
...............................
A
female
reader, sneha09  +, writes (22 February 2013):
 No don't believe a person who can't deliver what he says or doesn't want to show chat history to his partner.
...............................
|
