A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I've been with my bf for over a year now, and he often talks about the good old times with his ex. Well the thing is, he used to be quite attractive when he was young. Girls would do a lot of things just to be with him. He mentioned a lot of times his ex prepared tons of presents on his birthday, took him to trips to different states while she paid. I didn't know this, and for his birthday I "just" prepared three gifts and a cake. Later I found a lot of photo albums of him traveling with his ex to different places, on his b'day christmas or summer. We never went on a trip. I understand times are tough now and we can't afford going out, but it just hurts, I feel like I won't do anything to surprise him because his ex(who comes from a lawyer family and is quite rich) spent a lot of money on him. It was like seven years ago. Now time passed, he isn't attractive as he used to be, he still says his ex does a lot and I don't. I felt like a fool of picking presents for him and trying to give him a nice birthday but can never compare to his ex cause I didn't spend expensive trips on him. Does money brings lasting memories?How can I compare to him?
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christmas, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): This is wrong on so many levels and partly the fact that you're even asking this question. I would dump this dude, no questions asked. That he is even doing this just shows this guy's character. Talk about chivalry being gone, this guy is so pathetic that he feels the need to relive his "golden years" with his ex who was buying stuff for him and blah blah blah and taking him on trips. Talking about his ex is bad enough, but talking about how he basically was her boy toy and he used her for her money.Please just dump this guy, don't look back, work on your self esteem, and don't go hopping right into another relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): I was always made to feel i was unappreciated by my ex,although i never felt any of his ex were better than me he did always say they were when we argued which hurt we both knew it was the little things that meant so much not the big spends etc and that is why i will never understand why he ended it maybe it was to punish me for the hurt and pain his ex`s had put him through,talk to him and tell him how you feel
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 No money doesn't buy happiness, but he hasn't let go of her. My guess is his ex is the one who ended the relationship. He needs to realize the ex is gone. And he needs to stop bringing her up and comparing you. He should let go of the past and focus on what he has. The ex may have bought him alot of stuff, but where is she now??????
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”
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A
female
reader, DerbyGirl19 +, writes (26 December 2010):
Special moments cannot be bought, they are made through a connection between two people who care about each other.It sounds like you need to use some tough love. At the end of the day, you are not his ex and you never will be. That is NOT a bad thing, you are who you are and shouldn't have to be like anyone else. Your boyfriend needs to learn that his ex, for whatever reason, is his EX and that he is with you now. Constantly mentioning the "good old times" with her is only going to alienate you from him. If it was a recent break-up I could understand but it isn't. He had some good times with her many years ago, now he needs to get over it and if he can't do that then there has to be consequences.You can't stick around with him only to listen to another woman being held in a higher regard than you. Why should you? Why should you have to be compared with someone else?Tell him he needs to get over his ex and stop mentioning her. You also need to get a clear understanding from him of just what his feelings for you are. If he can't do any of that then I'm afraid to say you are better off without him and with someone who appreciates you for who you are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the respond, really helpful :)
I will try to concentrate on what works in the relationship rather than get affected by the memories of his ex.
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A
male
reader, ljhenhmla  +, writes (26 December 2010):
Stop beating u self up. Money does not bring happiness a gift from the heart means more. You should tell him the next time he mentions his ex that why isn't he with them. You have to realize that he you can only do so much. The past is the past. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Dreamer1988 +, writes (26 December 2010):
 He doesn't seem to appreciate you and what you are doing for him. Maybe, you need to talk to him about it and let him know that you feel unappreciated. If he still compares you to his ex, let him that is wrong, and that you love him and you want to stay with him but can't keep doing things for him if you feel like he doesn't care. Basically, talk to him about it first. Then, figure out what to do. Good luck!
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