A
male
age
30-35,
*'m saleem. Help me
writes:I don't know why I can't talk and flirt with girls as everyone does?I'm 18 years old. I yet haven't had a love as is my wish. This is because i lack self confidence. I do not know how to behave well in front of girls. I can't even speak confidently near girls. Sometimes i shiver while going to meet a girl as i planned. I want to talk to girls and flirt with them as every one else does, but i lack the confidence. Help me please
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): Chatting up a girl is not for the impatient.You may have to repeat 1. And 2. Several times - maybe twice a week for 2 weeks before you move to 3.
Go for girls you do not know because there will be rejections.
And you are still learning this flirting game with girls.
This way you can improve your confidence slowly. If you go for girls you do know (eg, in your class at school or in the street where you live) then everyone will know if you were rejected.
You might see a girl who you do not know well but you see her in the library.
Make sure you visit that library.
You see a girl who you do not know well walking along particular corridor at school
Remember what time/day you saw her and revist that corridor same time following week.
Or there maybe a shop you go to and you see her occasionally in that shop
Notice what she bought and be there a week later, same place.
So you make sure you do steps 1.and 2. But no more until your confidence improves. So you find ways to accidently see her in the street or at a place where you can repeat step 2. Just one smile, No more.
Until you are sure she might be interested= That is when she smiles back.
Then the next time you accidently meet her you go to steps 3. To 5. And make sure you remember her name. For next time.
The Steps =
1. Shower, shave and wash hair and clean teeth - doing all that clears the first hurdle before you go to chat up any girl
2.Catch the eye of girl you are interested and smile (once) at her. If she turns her back on you don't approach at all. But a slightly shy embarassed smile, yes you can approach,(but not until next time). Obviously Do Not approach any girl with a guy. Nor a girl with her Mom nor a girl with lots girl friends standing with her..
Only go for girls on their own, where you like how they look.
Next time: repeat steps 1 and 2 and now add 3., below
3.walk over to her and introduce yourself:''Hi, I'm Naveen'' (i made name up but you put in your name there) and smile at her (once)
4. All going well she should tell you her name. Use her name more than once when you speak to her and write it down later so you don't forget it.
5. So now you reply: ''Hi Gurinda''
After you say her name you add in a pertinent comment that might catch her interest or about where you are. It could even be a question. Or it could be a simple compliment. So I agree 5. is the
difficult part that will bother you.
But in 5. Do not ask any pushy questions and nothing too personal. So make up your own remarks, not the ones i put below. And what you say depends on where you are. But the rather lame examples below are only to indicate that initial conversation should be polite and NOT sexual (only dumb guys talk in sexually explicit ways on first meeting - to do that turns nice girls off. So keep it polite)
''what do you think of this band/music?''
''your hair looks pretty when it catches the sunlight''
''i'm here to get a birthday present for my Grandma, do you know any good gift shops here?'
Repeat step 1. And add in 6. Below
6. Now you know her name next time you accidently see her in the street wave, smile at her eyes and say ''Hi Gurinda'' but this time you can't stop, you are off somewhere. But at least you smiled, waved and remenbered her/name. She will remember you.
Repeat 1.(get ready to use plenty of shampoo/soap/toothpaste- smelling good is half the battle in flirting!)
7. Find an opportunity to offer to buy her a light drink and a way to sit down with her to talk - offer to buy her an iced tea because it is hot. Then ask her a little bit about where she works or what is she studying? And listen very carefully to her answers. Look into her eyes. Touch her hand lightly. Tell her you would like to see her again. Make a time to have lunch with her. Keep it respectful. Try to avoid the girls who want to do too much too soon - leave them to rougher boys who just want sex. You want to build a more solid reliable relationship with a nicer girl who you can care about.
8. When things get better offer to see a movie together. And hold her hand while watching the movie. After the movie make your first kiss a sweet kiss on the forehead. And work out when you will see her next. Build the tension slowly. it delights girls more than the overly eager guys with no finesse who push things along too fast.
A boy at school, was a very good flirt and had lots of girls hanging off his every word. But he admitted it was not like that at the start. He once said he had to talk to lots of girls and get many rejections, before he even found girls he really wanted to date, but then some didn't want to date him. So more rejections. But then he started to take it more slowly. That was when things improved. So once he got the idea of it and got better at flirting suddenly he was overwhelmed with girls who liked him. And he found a girl who he wanted to see exclusively.. Though he still harmlessly flirted! So it is just try, try and try again. Eventually you will get there. And find a girl where there is mutual attraction between the two of you.
And it is years too early to have slick sassy pick up lines, like you see in movies, so do not even try that. You have to crawl before you can walk and before you can run. Be patient.
Concentrate on getting the basics smooth and practised first.
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