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female
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*parklygem
writes:I have been seeing a married man for the past 11 months, at first it was going out for drinks and clubbing. He is working in my town and soon his job will be over. He stays here all week and goes home at weekends, which recently is becoming less and less. Whenever I don't have my child we spend the time together (my child has never met him). My child went on holiday for 10 days and we spent the 10 days together, it was fab, but now it is over and he is spending time with his family for their holidays. I miss him so much and know that in a couple of months I won't see him again. He says that he can't leave his wife because of his children and they are really in debt and that it wouldn't be fair to me (I think I don't want him to spilt his family up as well). The thing that is worrying me is that when he leaves he won't leave me to grieve him going and the end of the relationship (and i know that we cannot be together). I am feeling at the moment that I am very lonely in this relationship and want to have someone for myself and introduce my child to. How can I be strong to either try and end this now or to keep the distance when he leaves and feel that I am going to be on my own forever.
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female
reader, cherrypit  +, writes (18 January 2010):
ok if You knew that he was married from jump then you knew the game when you jumped in it. a man hardly ever leaves his wife for the other woman just know your position on the team if i were you id be the coach on my own team i say who plays and when
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): I am in a similar situation and I feel your sadness. Being a single mom in love with a married man with kids is so complex and no one has a right to judge you or even give you advice. It is so loneley being a single mom and so much work too. If you do not recieve any child support all the much harder. The average person does not understand the personal dynamics involved in being with a married man because it doesnt make sense unless you look deep into your childhood and start there. It is hard to find love and if your shy and meet someone who brings out something in you that was lost or never there to begin with and makes you feel so good on so many levels emotionally and physically it is so hard stop loving him, especially when maybe your own biological father never was there or showed you any love or interest ever. There are no easy answers and maybe there shouldnt be anyway. Just know as sure as I understand what your going through because I'm in the same way, I am here for you in spirit and if I could visit you in person I would wrap my arms around you and give you a hug and tell you that you are loved always and you are such an important person living on this earth and I am here as your friend always because I truly understand and care.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): you may be in love with him but i'm sorry to be the one to tell you that you have being played by a professional player. the man dont love you and wherever he go he'll still get someone who will replace you. while you are grieving for him he'll be busy pumping it with the new one. and dont be surprised he'll call you and sometime try to visit you just to secure him on his reserve side. the best for you is to sto making any contact with him and try to move on with your life,if you are struggling on your own i suggest that you invite God to give you the strength to move on with your life.
From : TfiveTone , South Africa
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): Hey. I have read all these comments and they are speaking just in general and not once stopped to see where you are coming from. I am sure you did not come and ask for advice to hear lecture and something you already know, which is that you made a mistake. But the mistake is made and now you need advice on what to do and it is clear you have not gotten it.
How do you feel about him? Truly feel? How does he feel about you? I am sure you didn't introduce your child, risking the opinion she/he will have on you. That is understandable and I respect that.
You have dated for a while now. A year. In this year, how has the relationship progressed? If it is not too late, then yes, you need to pull out because in the end, 3 to 5 years from now, there is a higher chance of regret. Regret that you wasted time, energy and money. The pain of that regret will be more than the pain of being lonely.
If it is too late and your heart is 100 in it, then you need to first figure out how to get it out. To heal a heart, has nothing to do with time. Time is the enemy and it DOES NOT heal a broken heart. It is a waste of time to "Break up" because there really isn't anything to "break up" since you aren't really in it, but there is the respect of telling the man that you are done, however, that is easier said than done and then you find yourself in a viscious circle of "I want to break up, no i don't, yes I do, no I don't." -- So what I would suggest to help this, is to occupy your time. Not with another man because if you love him, you will compare men to him and none will compare and that is just a waste of your time.
Do you have a friend? Someone you can talk to? Someone that will not judge and will talk to you. Occupy your time. Let go, but gradually. The more you occupy your time, the less you focus and eventually, it will not be hard and that is when you let it go for good.
Regardless of what, I am sure you know... it must end. I wish you the best of luck.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (28 August 2007):
 You may have found my letter harsh but the truth is you do sleep around. So does the guy you're with. You're sleeping around with another womans husband. If I missed something, please explain. Maybe he has other lovers too. Maybe his wife has others. Maybe you had someone months ago. Maybe he did.....and on and on. In fact the only way to be certain about STD's is to not sleep with people who are sleeping with other people. This is not a mystery. This is fact.
As for his money....it's meant for him and his family, not him and his mistress. If you know it's time to end, that's good.
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female
reader, penta +, writes (28 August 2007):
 Eddie was speaking in general, hon. He wasn't accusing you of having an STD, but rather the husband of sleeping around. When one person in a marriage sleeps with any other person, there is a risk to the faithful one that they don't deserve.
As for the money issue, when the two of you go out he's spending money that he wouldn't otherwise be spending, even if you're paying for your half. He's investing time and money in someone who is NOT his wife, and his wife doesn't deserve that. How would you feel if your roles were reversed? If he was the father of your children, how would you feel knowing that there was another woman taking his time, money, energy away from you and them?
You know the answer to your questions; you know it's time to end it, and you know why. Good luck finding the resolve to do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Sparklygem +, writes (28 August 2007):
Sparklygem is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to reply to Eddie, I found your reply rather harse, I don't sleep around and am very carefully with regard to STD's and also I earn my own money so I pay when we do go out...... I know what I started was wrong and I know its time to end it......
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (28 August 2007):
 I love it when you hear all this garbage ' i can't leave my wife because of the children and debts', don't you think it is possible that the reason they are not leaving is because they don't actually want to and they spin you this line to keep you on the end of that line.
Why on earth would you want to subject yourself and your child to a person that clearly has no respect for you or his wife and family, thank god your child has not yet met him it should make it all the eaier for you to turn around and say 'i'm not doing this anymore and i'm moving on'.
Good luck and take care.xx.
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male
reader, eddie +, writes (28 August 2007):
I'll be blunt. You're moaning and groaning about somebody you don't even have a claim to. It's like a car thief complaining that that car he stole didn't have comfortable seats. The best thing to do is to realize what a terrible, rotten mess the two of you have created, cut your losses and look for a mate who is available.
Step back and look at the nonsense of this. You're talking about the future, the kids, the debt of his family (as if it's even any of your business) and talking as if you have a real relationship. Guess what, you don't. He has the best of both worlds and that's because you've agreed to play the game. This is what happens when we make choices like these.
It angers me that people do not respect marriage vows. That is because the day you get married, you'll expect the world to respect your vows, no matter what you had to do to get your spouse. People who have good marriages value what they represent. Your lovers wife probably feels she has a good marriage. She too, misses her husband and wishes he was home. Little does she know, he's out sleeping with you for sure and maybe others. She's opening herself up to STD's and he's spending money on you that should be getting them out of debt. She may not be perfect either but she is married to her husband.
Society requires the majority of people to work with in the framework of decency and integrity in order for our world to be a good place. When more people choose destructive paths instead of the path of decency, it chips away at what makes our society wholesome. You need to ask yourself if you contribute to society in a positive way or if you are a taker. It's never too late to change and become a giver.
We all deserve to strive for and find happiness. It comes in many ways and forms. We do not always get what we want. Also, just because you want something doesn't mean you deserve it. When we start off on the wrong foot though we need to be put back into reality. Are you prepared to tell your child the truth about this guy? If not, why not? That should tell you something. Do the proper thing.
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