A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i recently started a job in a care home on a rolling contract so it may come to an end in a few weeks, although It will most likely be extended . im sadly not enjoying it all and it is way more tiring then I thought and the hours I really long and I leave with a headache a lot of the time.in saying all this I am glad I am in a new environment , learning something different and experiencing something new and meeting people as I enjoy being around people .the only reason I applied for the job as a housekeeper is because I have been wanting experience in a social care/work setting as im hoping to undertake a graduate scheme in social work and experience is essential .another reason is because my parents get on my case a lot thinking im lazy and do nothing . I know they are supportive of me and have always wanted whats best for me but I feel my dad in particular dictates a lot. I feel he says what he wants to hear and not what I want to hear , if he says something and I suggest something else and if he doesn't like what I have to say he will walk away or just doesn't listen .I still don't know what I want to do long term so im wanting to get different volunteering roles in social work settings in the hope I can try and find something but I don't feel my parents see it that way . they say what I should do rather then what I would like to do .this leaves me feeling frustrated and not knowing how to voice my opinions on what I want to do to make myself happy as I am someone that wants to do something and I like being occupied and having something to do . id be happy leaving my care home job and going back to my old job (Once and if it reopens due to the current situation ) but if I leave when my contract ends they wont be happy and although my dad says its your decision he will no doubt give me a lecture and says I am foolish or I should have stayed but then I think well at least I experience a month working in a care home it better then nothing . I often feel I cant be an adult , although I am , as I feel I need to ask them for acceptance or advice as if I do something and don't ask or tell them they wont be happy . which is why I think im always wondering and wanting to know what people think in stead of what I feel is right for me .I always knew working in a care home would never be for me and my experience has shown that already im just wanting advice on how to deal with parents if they do get a little angry at me for only working for a month in a care home ? how I can I do whats right for me ? and how to make my shifts that bit more enjoyable when im cleaning rooms , as I often feel so hot but I think there are little ways to make something a tiny bit more pleasant .
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (25 May 2020):
 It's a lot more common than you think to be a bit confused these days. It's understandable that you're an adult but don't feel like one because you clearly haven't been allowed to make your own decisions this far.
The world tells us that having a job that you absolutely hate is worth keeping for over a year if possible so that your resume/CV will be more appealing. To a certain extent, I agree. If every job on your CV has been short term it will reflect negatively on you unless these jobs were contract based and your contract was not renewed or they were temporary. However, I completely disagree with the idea that we should stay in jobs that we hate because life is simply too short to remain unhappy for long periods of time. Be very careful of what you add to your CV as well because not every job deserves to go on your CV sometimes especially if you are confused and worked loads of different jobs that have very little to do with each other or your chosen field.
With that being said, I think that volunteering would be best but be selective when making the decision about what exactly you're going to do. What you need to do is sit down, silence your parents voices in your head and make a list of all of your possible interests as they relate to specific fields. You need to decide what your main choices will be even if it's 3 main fields that you land on, you need to make a choice. Thereafter you need to research what your options are as they relate to those fields such as what learnerships, internships and courses are available in those specific fields. What would be expected of you is also something that you need to research. Go on forums and try to reach out to people in those fields bia social media for insider information to better decide whether or not you would be capable of sticking to what would be required of you. Those of us who are confused tend to change our minds and tire of certain things very easily, trust me, I was just like you. I also learned over time that most people tend to be confused and choose one particular thing in an effort not to waste time being confused while not having actually accomplished anything in that time. Making a decision/s need to be backed up with logic and reason. Your parents are more likely to listen to what it is that you have to say if you prove to have some sort of a logical explanation as to why it is that you've chosen what you have. If you do not come from a place of proper thought, research and soul searching then your parents will continue to view you as a confused child. If you take initiative in actually thinking things through and putting effort into figuring everything out then you will get the respect that you deserve. You need to be strategic and calculated in what you decide to do moving forward. Try doing what I've suggested and you will see that you will definitely gravitate towards specific things. Pay attention to what pulls you in. It will provide you with some much needed answers. Your parents will not have to live with your decisions, you will have to. You can take advice but ultimately it's up to you to build a life that you appreciate, love and are proud of. You're not that bad off where you are now but remember that every journey begins with a single step. You have to take that step. Don't try to run before you've learned to walk. Sit down, think and do your research. It will provide some clarity if you really pay attention. I hope that you're able to morph into who you were always meant to be and find your purpose.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2020): Hi
It took me years to realise that I didn't have to have my sister's approval for everything I did. She is older and has always had an opinion and quick to advise and out of habit really, and for YEARS, I always sought her approval before I did anything. I used to feel angry about this until I suddenly realised that I was the one who was creating the situation. So I kept my own counsel (keep your plans to yourself and take your own advice) and went about my business. She was slightly shocked I remember when I would talk about things I had ALREADY done, without consulting her, but she couldn't say anything obviously. The relief was enormous!
Now your situation is a little different if you are living with your parents and they are paying your bills. Try to come up with a plan, whilst earning money to be able to contribute. Then present them with a fait accompli. (Something already decided/done.) ' I've decided that I'm going to try such and such.' Whatever your plan may be. Don't ask their permission, just let them know what you've decided. Listen to them when they come back with whatever they might have to say about it, and if you still think your plan is a good idea, you can say something like, 'I've thought about what you've said, but I'm still going to try out.....'
Imagine you're a parent. Imagine that you can see one of your offspring a little stuck in finding her direction. Naturally you will want to help. Offer advice. Imagine now, the relief you would feel, if your offspring then came to you with a plan that he/she was enthusiastic and clear about. Hopefully you would start to think, 'Great, they seem to be thinking well about this, started to know their own mind and have a plan.'
I bet if you approach your parents, NOT asking their permission, but letting them know what your plans are, that they will feel relieved when they see that you are starting to think for yourself. You will need to bring money in at the same time though, otherwise your parents will have something to complain about. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 May 2020):
 Part of being an adult involves making your own decisions and facing the disapproval of others, including family. If you can think things through and calmly, logically but firmly explain your decision, and the reasons behind it, to your parents, perhaps they will understand (at least partially) why you have chosen a way they would not necessarily have chosen for you.
All I would add is that, as someone who occasionally interviews applicants for jobs, alarm bells ring when I see a CV with jobs which only lasted a very short time, unless there is very good reason for it. A month is no time at all, although you probably feel like it has been a lot longer. If you can stick it out a bit longer, you can then truthfully say you gave it a good shot but realized it was not for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2020): Your parents are just being parents. They are our motivators, life coaches, and unsolicited-advisors; until they feel comfortable that we know what we're doing with our lives. They will make suggestions, and have their own opinions of what we ought to be doing; but you are mature enough to make your own decisions.
If you come across as aimless, uncertain of your direction in life, or seem indecisive; they feel obligated or obliged to step-in, and "tell you what to do!" If you show them that you're focused, committed, and have a plan; they may still try to boss you around, but they would be more reassured you won't be moving back home jobless or homeless in another few years. In your mid-30's or 40's, and still trying to find yourself!
Be appreciative of their concern. They've been there and done that; so it is unlikely they're going to listen to you discussing "what you'd like to do, or might do someday;" instead of what you're "going to do!" They question if you have any real idea of what it is you want to do? You've admitted yourself you weren't absolutely sure. If they are your parents, and they know this...what exactly do you expect them to do or say? If it doesn't seem feasible, if there is no likelihood of gaining you financial-security, or if they see you wasting your better talents; they're going to be all-up in your business!
Listen and let them speak; but do what you want. You're an adult now. Don't be so quick to have a comeback or rebuttal to their advice. You might end-up taking their advice; and it might workout for you! Keep an open-mind, but in the meantime...get a plan! You're currently in the process of doing what you think is right for you at the moment. Continue doing it, as long as it brings in a paycheck; and you can enjoy doing it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 May 2020):
 Not every job is for everyone. I have had a lot of jobs over time. Different things. Because it's GOOD to TRY out a few different things if you aren't sure what you want to do. Because you weed out what you DON'T want to do.
However, IF you are living with them rentfree, I can see why they are concerned that you don't have more "get up and go".
My kids know that they can LIVE with us if they are either in school or working. Not working and just lounging is not OK. While my oldest isn't sure WHAT she want to do, she IS working, she IS paying her bills. My middle one is starting college (hopefully) soonish but will also be looking for a job, so SHE can take care of HER bills.
You might have 5 jobs that suck. But you can still learn a lot from them. If (at the end of this contact) your old job is still on lock down I would continue for another month or two. You aren't going to have you dream job if you have NO real idea of what you want. But doing nothing and having no purpose, is not BEING an adult.
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