A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts and uncles,Do you have any advice on how could I discipline myself and do what I do not want to do, but have to - learn to drive?I'm 41 and had deluded myself so far that I may somehow avoid having to get a licence.I'm otherwise very responsible and hardworking. I take care of so many things in our family. Actually, almost everything but this. I kind of thought that on the scale of things the tip turns in my favor. But it turns out I just can't avoid this. I never realized how much of a problem I've had with focusing. I just don't know how I got two master degrees. How could I sit long enough to pass all the exams and write papers for months on end? The very thought of having to learn a whole booklet by heart makes me angry and scared at the same time. The same goes for driving classes. I crack jokes but deep down I just want to open the door, get out and run in the opposite direction.Thank you! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2019): Thank you all for your support!!!
I took a couple of lesson and it's not at all THAT bad.
I'm scared and everything seems sooo complicated, BUT, I actually drove!
I know how to start the car (it's a stick), drive a bit, shift gears, stop the car, turn left, right... it's far from actually knowing what I'm doing, but I made my first steps :)
Thank you, Thank you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2019): You are experiencing the same fear and trepidation any person experiences before they know how to operate a vehicle. You've delayed it until you're an adult; which makes it all the more scary. That's because you've always depended other drivers, public transportation, or cabs.
It's like learning to walk, without being carried. It's freedom!
My friend is a successful trial lawyer living in Manhattan NY, recently moving out of the city. He's a native-New Yorker, born in Brooklyn. Never learned to drive.
Living in Manhattan it's trains, subways, buses, and taxis. He never drove anywhere. He hired limos or taxis, and his firm has drivers. Moving into the outer-suburbs of Connecticut, he had to learn to drive. Like you, he was ashamed to go to driving school; because he assumed it would be teenagers and mostly women. He was wrong. It was a mixture of all ages and everyone has some measure of fear or worry they wouldn't pass the written test; and terrified of parking, driving on the highway, and maneuvering through traffic on busy streets.
My fear is narrow winding-roads at night. I've been driving for years, and still get the heebie-geevies on winding roads with no guard-rails. Yet I still have to drive them. You develop nerve. You've got to get from point-A to point-B, and having the independence to do that should be your motivation. No more waiting for rides, unless you have to!
If a 16 year-old girl can master it; so can you, my dear!
Once you get behind the wheel and start to move, you'll gain confidence. You'll even appreciate having that sense of control. There is no need for shame. If you don't pass the driving test, you take it again. You practice driving in empty parking lots and on off quiet back-roads. Like everything else scary in your life, it's just another challenge you'll overcome. Don't let your age be a setback.
You've postponed all these very common emotions normally faced as a teenager until now. You'll get through it. It's easier than you think. Your mind is messing with you. The book looks thick and complicated. It's about road signs, what you should do in certain driving situations, signs, and traffic signals.
You're not memorizing the book, you're learning traffic laws and the rules of the road; which most people forget as soon as they pass the test, get a license, and hit the road! You learn to keep a cool head, sit through gridlock, and parallel park. My vehicle can park itself. I hate parallel parking!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (12 January 2019):
 I wonder what it is about driving which terrifies you so much? There are far more drivers in the world than people with degrees. I have seen people with driving licences who I have wondered at how they manage to tie their own shoe laces. If you managed to get two master degrees, you CAN learn a highway code. It's not a case of learning "a whole booklet by heart". You don't have to learn it word for word. You have to know the principles in it and many of these you will learn as you drive around during your lessons. I am sure in Belgium, as in the UK, there are "mock tests" you can take on the internet which will help you prepare for your highway code test (if this is a separate part of the driving test, as it is in the UK).
You are obviously capable of learning and retaining information, and also a responsible person, so there is no reason in the world why you should not be able to pass a driving test - except self doubt and nerves.
You need to believe in yourself. Did you, by any chance, doubt you would get your degrees? And yet here you are.
Stay calm, focus as much as YOU are able, don't compare yourself to others as we all have strengths and weaknesses, and take it at your own pace. You WILL get there.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (12 January 2019):
 This may seem off the wall. Try playing a flight simulator game 3 times a week. Driving is a true multi tasking skill you have to keep track of several things at once. This is harder for some people than others and has little to do with academic performance.
I'm only vaguely familiar with your country. I tend to think of cities, or narrow streets in villages. As a driver from the western US I am used to wide streets and long stretches between cities and towns. I would be nervous to drive in Europe.
I'm aware that many people who live in large cities don't drive and rely on the excellent public transport available there. I guess this isn't filling your needs.
Again I think using a flight simulator could help you get past your anxiety about driving.
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