A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some help here, as I am beginning to drive myself nuts with self doubt and insecurities.I am 26, and a virgin, and I feel so lonley, miserable, deprressed and frustrated, I cannot describe how horrible it feels.Everywhere I look, there are happy people in relationships, telling me how wonderful sex is, how fantastic it is to be in a relationship, and all my friends are starting to get married, have families while I get left behind.I am not a virgin by choice, more due to circumstances. The fact that no guy will look at me twice, and I dont know how to change it. No matter what I do, it just never happens for me, and it is really beginning to get me down. I get so jealous of all my friends, they have ALL experienced things, which I feel I never will get the chance to.How can I deal with the frustrations of being an older virgin? How can I pretend that is doesnt matter that I ache inside to feel love and passion? I am scared that this is what the rest of my life will be like, and I dont know how I can switch off the lonliness and rejection I feel. Will it ever get any easier to see the majority of other people experiencing something that doesnt feel like will ever happen to me?
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female
reader, costheresnothingelse +, writes (1 February 2010):
Hey you,
I am in a very similar position so i know how you feel. I am 21 and still a virgin. This is because I think I should at least love whoever i sleep with rather than wasting it on a stranger or friend. It is tough sometimes but I think it will be worth it when I meet someone special. I think you should concentrate on meeting someone special first too because then sex can be something enjoyable rather than something you just want to get out of the way.
Another thing that stands out too me is your feelings of rejection and sadness. I think this indicates that it is not just sexual intimacy you are missing but the intimacy of a good loving relationship. So I think you should focus first on finding someone who cares for you and then of course sex will follow.
Happy hunting (:
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 I'm not suggesting that you just go out and get sex. It may have seemed so, but I do suggest that you be receptive to men - maybe even be somewhat a flirt. Do you only smile at the best looking men? Do you smile and flirt at all? You are still in your 20s, apparently, and there are men out there for you!
Just tell me this: Why do yo feel that you "can't GET anyone?"
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A
male
reader, Evans  +, writes (29 January 2010):
Gal you're just but 26. If I were a you, I would thank God for carrying me this far. 75% of women who get married after losing their virginity to someone else tend to lose some sense of happiness in their relationships.You may think otherwise but I would wish every lady out there were as virgin as you're. You're feeling this coz you gave it a lot of attention and all it has done now is to make you believe that you are not loving material. Imagine that a guy had cheated you, slept with you and left you with STDs and HIV. Would you not wish you were like what you are complaining about. Even if some guy comes your way today, don't get over excited and give in to sex so soon. Greater is your disappointment if you later find out that he does not love you at all. For now I would advise you to love God. Love Him with all your heart and don't give in to peer pressure. Other girls who are regretting losing theirs can give you unnecessary pressure to engage into sex so that you can be in the same state of regretting. There are far too many guys out there who are looking for such girls like you. Being a virgin to me shows that you respect yourself more than anything because to me there is no tangible reason to engage in sexual relationships before you get married. Many if not all of other guys who make noise about having sex before marriage are not even married. If they can only be truthful to you about how they are a disappointment to other guys who wanted 'meaningful' relationships with them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDoubleM, if I could just go out and get sex and fun, I wouldnt be in the position I am now. I dont know how easy other people find it to get someone to sleep with them, but for me it is physically impossible, without resorting to bashing them over the head.
At the moment, just a guy willing to pass the time with me would brighten my spirits and my faith in the world, but it doesnt happen.
Monksdabomb - yes you are right. I hate valentines day. I cannot describe how lonely it makes me feel.
I am not looking for sex or just to be able to tick it off a list. I just want to be noticed, to feel that I actually exist as a woman. Because right now, I dont feel like one, I am a machine or something that blends in with the background. I go out, I have hobbies, I meet guys, but any guy that I am in the least bit attracted to doesnt want to know, and everyone else doesnt give me a second glance.
The older I get, and the longer this goes on, the more it hurts. I found out today a friend of mine (younger by 3 years) is getting married. I could have cried.
Each day it just chips away a little bit more, and my faith in it ever happening now almost doesnt exist. I am scared of ending my days alone, never having experienced that side of life.
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (29 January 2010):
 Hey, I was - and am - exactly in your shoes and it shouldn't get you down.
I am also a 26-year old virgin, but I am proud to be one. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to experience sex with the man I love, but I'm not willing to rush into it just to check it off my to-do list in life. I had too many friends in school who were in tears because "sex is not what I imagined and oh it was so horrible! What was I thinking?"
You say that no man even looks at you - have you tried to notice? You may be missing their glances. I was exactly like you - hadn't had a boyfriend in over a decade and was so down on myself, thinking no guy would ever love me..."oh God I've never French kissed - I am SO behind the times!" So I would walk with my head down just going about the day. Now I've found love for the first time in my life and am walking so happily with my head held high and guess what - I'm getting hit on by men! It's a great feeling. Had they always thought I was attractive but I never noticed cause my head was down? I will never know. But all I can tell you is don't get discouraged. I'm sure you're also feeling very low on yourself cause it's near Valentine's Day....God I hated that holiday while single and couldn't wait for it to be over; always considered it a holiday where couples rub it in single peoples' faces.
Just go out with friends, hang out with guys, get to know them. But be happy and have fun; enjoy life. The saying is true that love happens when you least expect it.
*hugs*
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (29 January 2010):
My heart goes out to you, but you may not find that "someone who will appreciate your love and attention" right away. It took me many years and I still made the wrong choice, although it lasted 20 years. I'm now a lonely older man who has been used, dumped, screwed-over and left for the heap. You are still very, very young and have many more choices. Have some sex and fun "safely" but keep your eyes open for that someone very special who could be a "soul mate." While I realize that most guys out there are just on a cunt-hunt these days, there are better men. Find one.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (28 January 2010):
 The reply posted by ' CaringGuy ' is almost a perfect answer, or a perfect guidance.It is your chosen hobby that will give you chance to meet. If you are interested in art, say novel, poetry then you will find people of same interest. Or, in sport, then you see there like minded people. You cannot go directly to some one in search of love...if you do, then chances are there for cheating. Dating site cannot help you to find like minded people, where you will found almost cheaters, mostly married people, they seek one night stand, which can be prove serious emotional hurting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut you have hit the nail on the head DoubleM - "Get yourself someone who will appreciate your love and attention and be happy for the rest of your life. " This is what I want, but I cant GET anyone. I cant force someone to want to be with me, if they are not even slightly interested in the first placce.
I cant even get a guy like me to be interested. Nothing. No one will give me the time of day when it comes to sex and relationships. And when I am out in public, I am very good at putting on a front, pretending it doesnt matter that I am the only single one, when I really am not ok aboutit . It is only inside and when I am alone that I feel so terribly desperate.
My low confidence has come from all the years of being lonely and having it chipped away at. Every time I have been rejected, every time I have been left out, or ignored by guys. The more it happens, the more difficult it is to believe that there will be a guy who likes me.
Its not that I am fat or ugly - I may be intelligent, but I am not a geek. There is nothing that separates me from anyone else, or makes me less datable in my eyes. BUT there must be something wrong, otherwise surely I would have had at least one interested party in the last 10 years???
But it is never me that a guy wants a relationship with. THey just do not see me like that.
I am just so scared that I will never find anyone. I do not want to end up old, alone, and feeling like I missed out on an important part of life.
People who have relationships do not know how lucky they aare - to have someone be attracted to them, and want to be with them, I just wish they didnt take it for granted so much.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 January 2010):
The thing about good, decent guys is they can sense negativity and unhappiness in a woman, and that makes us scared. You have to realize it's all right to be a virgin. Your low confidence is seemingly a problem. Guys just sense it, and don't like it. There isn't anything wrong with you at all. You just haven't found your Mr Right. It's okay. So focus on being yourself and becoming more confident. Go out and start new hobbies so you can meet guys. He is out there, you just need to find him.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (28 January 2010):
You should never think, "I feel I never will get the chance to." That may be the problem. A negative attitude. You do not explain why you feel this is the case. Do you believe you are less attractive? Too nerdy? Are you just overweight? Have you not noticed that there are also men about your age, or older, who are much the same? Damn right there are! And they are probably just as lonely, miserable, depressed and frustrated as you!
Would it not seem a simple solution to become the hope, and love and sexual satisfaction for one of those guys? Are you pinning only for the "hot guys" that friends seem to experience? Here's a good clue: Get yourself someone who will appreciate your love and attention and be happy for the rest of your life. Those friends will likely have to kiss a lot of bastards while you might snag a better man.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (28 January 2010):
 well, I'm 22 and in a slightly same boat as you. I'm not a virgin, but I haven't ever had a real serious relationship. I've had a lot of regrets and never been able to share a love with someone that I considered to be real and serious. and all my friends are in these serious relationships and i'm almost always the third wheel. being single most of the time sucks.
I would try an online dating service or something.
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