Is he really planning on being together once both of our divorces are final???

A female age 41-50, *lisha27 writes:

In August 2001, I met my soulmate online(I'll refer to him as Adam). We had both dealt with very painful summers; I had an engagment called off that May, and Adam had been dumped by his high school sweetheart. He had moved from his home town(we'll say it is Jacksonville) to attend the same university as his girlfriend(which happened to be in MY home town-Atlanta), but a few months into the semester she decided she wanted to date other people. Despite the breakup, he continued living in Atlanta. When he and I met, it was an instant connection. Adam and I would spend hours chatting online about all the things we had in common. We even discovered that we had both been on vacation earlier that summer in the same town on the SAME days! We dated, and for the first time, things just felt right. Two months into our relationship, my ex-fiance paid me a surprise visit at work, begging for me back. When I saw Adam later that evening, the first thing he said was,"Your ex came by and wants you back doesn't he?" I was in shock that he somehow knew, but we always did have an uncanny connection to each others' minds. I told him what had happened in hopes that he would finally profess his NEED for me to be in his life, but he said nothing. Adam and I both had our guards up throughout our relationship due to our previous breakups. The following night, Adam tells me he is having his ex-girlfriend over to study. This completely broke my heart. The 2 weeks following, I didn't hear from Adam at all. My emails went unanswered as did my phone calls. I assumed he and his ex-girlfriend had gotten back together, but I couldn't understand why he had to be such a jerk by ignoring me. I finally gave up persuing him and gave my ex-fiance a 2nd chance. A month later, I received an email from Adam stating that he went to the ER on the night he studied with his ex. He had been admitted for something very serious with his lungs, he had surgery and almost died! He stated that he was very sorry, that he knew I would wonder what happened to him, and he assumed I was now back with my ex-fiance. Adam was now back with his ex-girlfriend. So, our relationship ended...or so we thought. Fastforward to the summer of 2003...I was in the same relationship with the ex-fiance, although it was on the rocks. I was getting ready to move to Jacksonville to attend college, and that city just happened to be Adam's home town. I received an unexpected email from Adam(we had not spoken since 2001) asking me how my life was going. My heart pounded with excitement when I saw his email address on my inbox page! We started talking again, as friends, and he informed me that he was graduating and moving back to Jacksonville in a month...the SAME town I was moving to! I was so excited until he informed me that he and his girlfriend were getting married at the end of the summer. So, the move was bittersweet. He was all I had ever wanted, but not even now, us both moving from the same town to ANOTHER same town, could I have him. Adam got married, but we stayed in contact for the year and a half that I lived in Jacksonville. He would stop by my apartment from time to time, and we would talk, laugh and cuddle. We both knew it was wrong, and even though I knew he would never be able to STAY with me, I sacrificed my heart for the chance to be in his arms for a few hours. We were connected, even then, but we both knew we could not be together. I finally cut off all communication with Adam once I met my future husband. I didn't tell him goodbye; I just vanished....Fastforward to April 2007...I am married and trying very hard to make a marriage to a recovering drug-addict work. I have went through a year of therapy, and have really grown up in so many ways. Out of the blue, I receive an email from Adam. He had somehow found my new email address, and informed me that he now has a little baby boy. We email each other for about a month, but when he mentioned how badly he wanted to see me the next time he comes to Atlanta for work, I emailed him back stating that we needed to just let this thing go...that nothing good ever comes out of us being together and to please not contact me anymore, and I blocked him from emailing me....Fastforward to July 2009....I received an email on my facebook page from Adam a few days before my birthday. He wished me an early Happy Birthday, told me how beautiful I looked and wanted to make sure I was happy. As curious as I was, I ignored the email out of respect for my marriage. Fastforward to December of 2009.....I received another email from Adam. He wanted to know how I was doing and again wondered if I was happy. He left me his cell number to text him. At this point, my marriage was going nowhere and basically being held together only by myself...I am basically a maid to my husband, and although I've tried to make things work and wait for him to get help for his addictions, he has become someone I know I shouldn't be with. Now I know 2 wrongs don't make a right, but I wanted to talk with Adam so badly that I couldn't ignore him this time. I sent him a text, and from that point on(up until 1 week ago), we texted and emailed each other every day. At first, we are simply friendly, and he informed me of his plans to file for divorce soon. I eventually opened up to him, told him all about my husband's addiction and how I can no longer have that in my life. Adam and I could talk to each other about anything, as if no time had ever passed. He soon sent me an email stating that he is in love with me and believes he always has been. I feel the exact same way. We met up, spent the entire day together talking and laughing and were both amazed at how RIGHT it felt to be together. He asked me a hypothetical question...IF we weren't in the situation we are both in, and he asked me to marry him, would I say yes? I told him I would say yes...given that I had met his son of course. We both decided that day not to do ANYTHING physical...we want to wait until our divorces are final so that we can at least salvage THAT sacredness of marriage once WE get married to each other. The day was absolutely perfect and so refreshing! I hated to see him leave, but we both knew we would be together again soon. Well, one week later I inform him of my goal...I want to be on my own by April so I will be asking my husband for a divorce very soon. The following day, I receive an email from Adam stating that he has filed for divorce, but has been instructed by his attorney not to email or text me. The records COULD possibly be subpoenaed for court purposes, and it could jeopardize getting custody of his son. So, he asks me to not contact him for the time being, but to please be patient. He tells me not to worry, that we will talk very soon, and for me not to forget that I have issues with my husband that I need to be addressing. He says that he is sorry and knows this is hard on me, but he cant risk anything when it comes to his son. So...that is that...I cannot contact him at all, and I have no idea when I will be able to...I mean, this person finally comes back into my life, I develop a routine of talking with him everyday and trusting that he will always be there, and then he is just gone! I am about to start divorce proceedings with my spouse, but at the same time it is so hard to focus on anything because I miss Adam so much! In our many prior conversations, Adam always spoke about "us" and "we" as if we will have a future together. He mentioned us having children together and me coming to live with him. He spoke of being my date for my sister's wedding in May. When we discussed some undiagnosed health problems I am having, he told me not to worry, that WE would work through whatever it may be. Even though he was saying all the things I had dreamed of, I coudn't help but be skeptical. I am used to other people in my life not giving me anything in return. Those that I choose to love receive an enormous amount of affection and devotion, yet all I am given are empty, broken promises. So when Adam, the man who I believe to be my soulmate, the person who has been my DREAM since the moment we met so long ago in 2001, promises me evrything I could ever wish for and then is so quickly out of my life, I can't help but be scared and skeptical. I didn't really believe Adam would file for divorce. I assumed he would just feed me that for a while, we would have some sort of affair, and I would end up heartbroken when he chose not to divorce his wife. So, when a WEEK after seeing each other he is filing the papers, I am in shock that he went through with it! I take it as he is really serious about all the things he has told me, but with him not around, my mind starts to question things. I will divorce regardless; my marriage ending is not a result of Adam being back in my life. I believe Adam and I are soulmates, and that is why we have somehow always come back to one another over the years. What is your opinion on this whole situation? Is he really planning on being with me once our divorces are final or has he reconciled with his wife and just doesn't haven't the heart to tell me? Should I wait for him? Does he seem to be in love with me? I need some different perspectives!

View related questions: affair, at work, divorce, ex girlfriend, facebook, heartbroken, his ex, my ex, soulmate, text, university, wedding

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010):

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