A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a predicament where I must choose between two people. First of all I have been dating one guy (Person # 1) for a year. Before we started dating I had to break up with another guy who i was casually dating (Person 2). Person 1 is great, but he really wants to take the relationship to the next level (get engaged) which terrifies me. As I have been dating Person 1 it seems that the longer we have dated the less and less we have in common, and it has gotten to a point where I don't enjoy spending time with him very much (bad sign). I happened to meet up with Person 2 recently and though I am not sure he is "the one" either, I feel that we have much more in common and he understands me a lot more. Nothing has happened with Person 2, except I said some things I probably shouldn't have said, leading him to believe that I am going to break it off with Person 1 and will be available again. I feel sick about this. Love triangles are no stranger to my life, and I can't figure out why I have created one yet again. As much as I know in my heart and my head that no matter what happens, Person 1 is not my soul mate and I am wasting my time (and his) it really scares me to break up with him. Because, despite what I have said, I truly care about him and I know that he will be heart broken. Before Person 2 even entered the picture I've known deep down that the relationship with Person 1 needs to end. I am terrible at breaking up with people, because despite circumstances i always try to make things work. I feel guilty that I have opened the door with Person 2 before closing the door with Person 1. Any advice on what to do would be appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): "Love triangles are no stranger to my life, and I can't figure out why I have created one yet again."
The only correct response in the situation is to break it off with Person #1, don't engage in Person #2, and got to counseling to figure our the answer to your question.
Counseling does not mean you are crazy, it helps you figure out the underlying reasons for your behavior.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 September 2011):
 You know what you must do. Shut the door and lock it with Person 1. All you're doing is stringing him along. That will hurt worse than the break-up itself. Dump him, you owe it to him and yourself. Tell him that you're sorry but you don't see yourself being his future wife. This isn't meant to be. Cut him free to find someone that sees him in their future.
Then proceed on with Person #2 when you're ready. There's no need to figure out if he's the one just yet. Just enjoy your time getting to know him and see where it takes you.
Also, stop placing yourself in love triangles. Eventually, one will find out about the other then you won't having any options at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): woah. you need to think for a minute. you said that person 2 isn't your soulmate either. although it may be comfoting with him, maybe the only reason your attracted to him again is because of your relationship block with person 1. personally i think the kindest thing to do here would be break off your current relationship but explain to person 2 that he's not right for you either. currently it would mean that you get no gain and end up single, but long term it means less confusion, and gives you the chance to meet the right person, before people possibly get the impression that you 'sting people along', i hope you do find the right person, good luck!
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