A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I deal with racist people ? I am a European ( originally born in chech) and came here at 3. I have been in the states for 27 Years my life has been shaped here - I love this county and never want to love. I can not identify with people and values back home. I am white and have an American name and non foreign sounding last name - if u saw me u would t really pinpoint where I am . Long story short my first job out of college I worked in an advertisement firm with no HR. Suprise a lot of people that made derogatory remarks about race - picked on my ethnicity and made comments that are indicating the news today. I am still upset 6 Years later because it opens my eyes to people and I can’t say where I am from anymore - I don’t know if I want to hide it? But I feel and remember those comments from my American coworkers .I also remember my ex boyfriends mom saying “I was afraid to meet u because I knwo how people from there are”Does anyone have any idea on how I can build thick skin. I’m so torn I feel like nowhere is home . I love this country why would peopple pick on me because I was both thereComment “ oh I have no problem with you at least u pay taxes and aren’t on welfare”This is another comment I got when I said I wasn’t born here and was european I hold two degrees - work a corporate job and still run into these peopleMy heart is hurt and I don’t know how to be strong and be proud and not be ashamed - it makes me so sad because I would love to date someoen one day and I don’t want to be afraid someoene won’t love me because of my background Please help
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 February 2018):
 You know what, people are ignorant. That's why they say these stupid things. Don't take it to heart, because it has nothing to do with you. It only says something about their level of intellect. Really. They haven't traveled abroad, they don't know many other cultures, they hardly ever read a book or any proper newspaper. They are narrow minded people with mediocre intellect. That's when you get stupid comments like that. Next time you hear such a comment, just ignore it and think to yourself "so that's yet another idiot".
Or, you can practice some smart ass replies that will surely cause them to look stupid, like "I guess you aren't very well informed then", or "Sounds like you need to read up on the matter" or "maybe you should travel more and broaden your horizon"....
Personally, if it's at work, I will always look at the big picture to see if it's really worth my time and effort to "lecture" someone about their stupidity. Often, stupid people stay stupid, and they are not worth the energy of trying to enlighten them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2018): Sweetheart, I understand and feel your pain and frustration. I come from a (multi)bi-racial marriage. I grew-up around people always noticing my differences from what they're used to. I've also witnessed stares at my parents, people trying to figure-out what my/our nationality or race is. Are you Arab, Latino, are you part-Asian?
You can't stop people from having opinions and expressing them; nor can you anticipate the ignorance that falls out of their stupid mouths. You just have to love yourself and hold pride in who you are and where you came from, in spite of how people are.
We even have an administration that almost emboldens ignorance and prejudice; but we must press on. Xenophobia is popular now; but it will either strengthen you, or break you. Don't let it break you! Those stupid people are very vocal; but the better of us have your back! It is not a reflection on all of America. It's some of the decay in human-nature that tends to rise to the surface.Like poop floats, and scum sits on top of water. You and I are what they fear!
They try to make us feel unwelcome and different. You've as much right to be here and be you, as anybody else! People like us show an exotic beauty and depth that has made this wonderful country what it really is. Not the people you've described.
If you've never actually experienced these things, it's so easy to say just ignore it, get-over it, and so forth.
You and I know that this catches you off-guard, and it comes at you before you know it. It's hurtful and embarrassing. I've been asked what country I come from? My mother is a full-blooded Cherokee, a Native American!!! Her origins are indigenous to this country; and her heritage dates back to before the ships arrived full of Europeans. Later bringing slaves from Africa. Her people were already living in a country claimed to have been discovered by some guy from Italy. My father is a mixture of Greek and some other nationalities. So I'm hard to determine what races they are actually offending! It is funny sometimes, I must admit.
You can go on for years and everything is smooth; but out of the blue you're hearing one horrible comment after another. People are becoming even more bold about making racist comments; because they think we have someone in office on their side.
We've got to be tough. There are nasty stereotypes out there and ugliness has become very vocal these days.
Inform them that you are highly offended. Speak-up! If you're working for an employer who condones a hostile work-environment; then you have to leave. You have rights, and you should never hesitate to seek legal-counsel to defend them. Comments flying out the mouths of the simpleton parents of the men you date; should be set straight on the spot. Let him know that you were highly offended, and ask to leave. Never stand there and take it; because their point is to offend you, and they will continue doing so. You don't have to subject yourself to people like that.
How many times you face it is irrelevant. One time is too many!
This is America, the 21st century, and the age of high technology. Not the rural south in the 1800-1900's; or the era of slavery when you could consider a human being your "property." You force them to behave by showing the courage to tell them you don't appreciate being spoken to in such a way. Ignorance can be corrected by education; but stupidity is a profound resistance to knowledge!
Develop pride in your heritage. People in the States tend to forget their grandparents and great-grandparents ran from oppression and starvation in their own countries of origin. Their own families came here ragged, dirty, full of lice, and poor. They lived in shacks in poverty, they had no education, and that forced them to come here. Where many stayed exactly the same!!! If they could travel back in time to see what their families lived like before; they'd shut their stupid mouths.
You have to learn to standup, and know when to stand-down. Never allow anyone to make you feel ashamed. Passively allowing people to walk all over you is what allows the shame and pain to get the better of you. Pride and self-love is your best defense. My siblings and I were raised on it!
I forward my heartfelt empathy; and send much love to you! My fellow-American!
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (3 February 2018):
Does this happen often? You've only made specific mention of two instances, one of them being six years ago. I engage with a lot of people and get to know many of them well enough that we can and do have candid conversations. I hear racial comments very sparingly...maybe five times a year, if that. I know only two people I consider racist. I don't remember having hear anyone making racial comments against Europeans.
While President Trump might remind us that racism exists, you can be assured that the vast majority of Americans are not going to judge you based on your race. If a guy asks you out, he probably already knows your ethnicity and has no problem with it.
You have every right to be proud of your Czech background...your people have successfully faced political adversities such as the Nazi occupation in WWII. The country offers free university education, and is one of the world's most peaceful and religious-tolerant countries. The countryside and Prague are beautiful! I worked over there on a project and found the people to be wonderful!
Perhaps some people are envious of your Czech background and the good stock you come from. So I wouldn't brag too much unless someone is expresses a curiosity about the country. Just be proud and don't take negative comments seriously...there are so many floating around today that they have become cheap and mean little or nothing.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 February 2018):
 In today's political environment in the US, I guess this is more common than ever before because it is validated by the person running the country. From making comments about "shithole" countries, to building walls to #MAGA, it's becoming increasingly commonplace to trash "outsiders". No matter how much you have contributed/are contributing to the society, you are unfortunately looked down upon.
The only way to deal with this is to grow a thick skin and not let this get to you. You can't stop people from being racists but you can tell yourself, "you know what, I don't care what anyone says. No one can validate my existence. I have done nothing wrong and I refuse to allow myself to feel bad for something which is not my fault".
As for someone not falling in love with you because of your background, well if they're that shallow then it's entirely THEIR loss! And you wouldn't want to date someone that superficial right?
The right guy will never consider these racist reasons to not be with you, ok? The colour of your skin and your last name will never matter to him. And if it does, you know that's someone you want to stay far far away from. Right OP?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2018):
 How do you deal with ignorant people? For the most part? IGNORE them. If they can't take the time to get to know YOU as a person, but tosses out BLANKET derogatory statements of the ethnic group you are from, then seriously... How can YOU stand being around people that STUPID?
I have traveled a LOT all over Europe. And while there IS such a thing as a national and cultural identity it doesn't mean that ALL Danes, Americans, Italians, British, Dutch.... etc. etc. are the same. That goes for the people YOU "ethnically belong to" as well.
And for anyone dumb enough to compare Europe with the US... well, I don't even know what to say. I'd probably start laughing at them. Asking them if they are serious.
If someone bring up how ALL *insert nationality* are like this or that, PUT them right.
Ask them:" HOW many of *insert nationality* do you actually know?"
Ask them:" Have you EVER been to that area?"
Ask them:" Do I fit into your notion of how *insert nationality* supposedly behave?
Ask them:" DO you actually think all people from *insert nationality* move, think, act as ONE entity?"
Ask them:" Would you not find it ignorant if I made the same kind of blanket statements about YOUR *insert background*?
I know it's an uphill battle trying to fight people's ignorance - it's like the story of Sisyphus.
However, you have to have a thicker skin. DON'T waste your breath on people who can't SEE YOU for you.
And don't take it personal. Life is too short for that.
Be who you are, be good and be kind. Anyone who can't appreciate you for you - don't waste time on them. I seriously doubt you will not find people who are CURIOUS about *insert nationality/Ethic group) while getting to know you. THOSE are the ones worth getting to know. the rest? Eh...
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