A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So this is for a couple who have been family friends for a long time, let call them A (the woman) and B (the man). They've had differences in approach and tension going on, but now they have stopped conversing all together. They have a child and most communication is limited to mundane, daily house keeping. A has been diagnosed with mild depression and B is keen that A "get alright" asap. A seems normal whenever B is not around, but clams up when he's there. A feels that in the early days of their marriage, B never listened and dismissed her concerns. She also mentioned that he had been verbally abusive - using cuss words and threatening to throw her out of the house. Both are financially independent and doing well in their careers. A also says that B demands sex even when they are not on taking terms. B maintains that he's been trying to talk with A and keeps planning outings together but A doesn't reciprocate. They are still living together but are just co-existing. As friends, we don't know what to do. Both of them talk a bit but I'm not sure whether we should get in. My gut feel is that B doesn't know how to deal with women and has paid scant attention to what his wife needs and wants - both emotionally and sexually and he should seek counselling. But would it be right to interfere? The situation has been simmering and there should be a resolution even if it means both of them going their own way. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2018): I understand your concern because you care about your friend's situation but it is very difficult when we/you don't know/understand the reasons behind all this. What if they got married by an arranged marriage? What if A does not like/love B or vice-versa from the beginning of the time and they were brought together due to family ties? What if A suffers from depression because she just does not love B? What if B is verbally abusive and demands sex whenever he wants because this is how he was raised and family taught him this is the role of a husband? I am sorry but this is something extremely personal between a couple.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (3 February 2018):
"Interfere" suggests throwing yourself in the middle of the situation. There is all probability that this relationship will fully advance to a divorce and you don't want them to blame you, or you to feel like you helped break them up.
I MIGHT "offer" to help them without being too specific with what you might do. I think you are probably right about the husband being the main cause behind their problems. While the wife would likely welcome your help, he seems like the kind of person who would resent your involvement, creating an additional stress on their situation. My fear is that you offering help would create an even larger chasm between them as well as you and B. You are kind and sweet to want to help out, but I would be very careful about how you would go about it. Based on what you've written, if offering to help, I would have your husband go to him first so that he doesn't get resentful thinking that you two are trying to help A. Just be very careful to 1) enter the situation very softly, 2) do not get involved if there are signs that you are not welcome, and 3) don't let them (especially him) think you are picking sides.
With all that said, give serious thought as to whether you want to get involved at all. If you decide not to get involved at all, that's a good choice and not one to ever feel sorry about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2018): It seems like you are good friends and you were told a lot about the situation from one or both parties so I think that you can certainly offer helpful advice or suggestions when the troubles of marriage come up. It isn't your job to solve everything, as I'm sure you know, but if the wife confides in you, and the husband to your husband, you both could certainly offer in good conscience some suggestions on how to try to make things work.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 February 2018):
 I think you should stay out of it. Till someone categorically asks for your help or advice, don't go around offering either, especially where private and personal lives are concerned. What happens behind closed doors is for the husband and wife to sort out. It is not your business.
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