A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We are both in committed relationships. Liked each other but now moved to different countries. We barely communicate anymore and we have been apart for 16months but am in love with him. I would never tell him this because I know he Is already taken and so am I. My problem is he takes Days or weeks to reply to my msgs which makes me think he doesn't like me anymore. However if I ask him to change his facebook profile pic, he does it and doesn't take it out until I ask again. Am really confused, does he still like me or not?? It kills me, as am in love with him and the Thot of accepting that he might not be interested in me at all scares me. Also when I write him that I miss him his only answer is " it's been over a yr, time flies can you imagine?" What the heck does that even mean? I wish he could give me a straight answer for once.i know I should Forget him and focus on my relationship but it's not easy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): Let me define what it means when we say we are in a committed relationship.
It doesn't mean we have to shut off our hormones. You just don't let them control your actions. It doesn't mean you are immune to sexual attraction to other people.
It means we keep our attraction confined within the boundaries of the union formed with a person we have declared our devotion to. We resist temptation to go beyond these boundaries, and remain faithful to the person with whom we have formed a bond, and earned trust. We try to remain within a monogamous union with a single person at a time, and forsake all others to strengthen this bond.
Need I add more to that?
You don't go around declaring your love for another man when you have committed to another. I know exactly what you mean, and what your "love" is leading up to. It will lead to sex, kissing, and everything else cheating includes. You show a deceptive face to his girlfriend, who thinks she can trust you. You are trying to show your love for her boyfriend in secret. He knows your feelings.
Take the agreement one more step. Stop the secret contact.
If you can't be faithful, and your hormones are out of control. Then free the man who thinks you love him, and only him. You're too emotionally involved with another woman's man.
I wonder how she'd feel about how much he likes you? How would your boyfriend feel?
Taking it to the grave means nothing. You're living a lie with a man who thinks you love him exclusively. You're carrying on behind his back. That is betrayal. Hiding it, is what makes it cheating.
Cheating is cheating. No matter how innocent you may try to pass it off. Sex hasn't happened "yet." It will at the first given opportunity. Distance is the only reason it hasn't happened.
My dear, I am not condemning or admonishing you for your "feelings." I am explaining to you why it is wrong, and not fair to your mate. Stop the secret communication behind your man's back, and enticing the other man to betray his mate.
I'm glad that he isn't holding up his end of your secret communication (aka cheating).
Let's see how innocent it all seems to your mates if you both are discovered. You will be. That's how karma works.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Wise OWLE
Thank you for taking your time to reply this.
But I think I didn't put this quite right. When I say we liked each other I don't mean we slept together or kissed. We never did any of those. Could we have done that if we wanted to betray our parteners? Yes? We had several chances but we agreed not to cross the line and betray the people we love most. We talked about it and come to a conclusion that will just be friends.
I believe as a human being your attraction hormones for other people don't just shut off because you are committed. I think it's normal that people can fall in love with other people while they are in a committed relationship. The only question is how far soyou take it??
I know I love my partener very much an will never betray him. Yes, I know I also love the other guy and I will go to the grave with this as I know it's pointless and not right considering that we are both taken.
I can't help it that I feel that way about him.
It will just make me feel good to know that he still cares or like me. Even though we can never be together. Is this cheating?
Thank you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): Come on, did you fall and knock your head? Could you be so arrogant, entitled, and insensitive?
Seriously!?
Do you actually think anyone here is going to encourage you to pursue another woman's mate; while you're cheating on your own?
I hope he doesn't like you anywhere as much as he likes the woman he has. I hope he stops liking you for the fact you don't respect either of your relationships.
Maybe he has come to his senses and realizes what he has isn't worth losing because of you. You pretend you care for the man you're with, while worrying how another man feels about you?
Now read your post and realize how awful this all comes across.
Why haven't you ended the relationship you're in? Please don't call it "committed;" because it isn't. It's a fool's infatuation with a cheating woman in-love with another guy.
Your cheating accomplice is sneaking around behind his girlfriend's back. So getting through may time some time.
I hope the wait is excruciating.
Hopefully, she'll discover your back-stabbing man-stealing communication; and contacts your mate to tell him all about it. You're probably hoping she does too.
Well, he lives in another country, so enjoy the stressful LDR, all the more.
He shouldn't like you for how you're unfaithful and compromising his relationship. He should not like you for acting like you've lost your mind; and you're not concerned about the man who is supposed to be the one you love.
No, my dear, I see no reason he should like you at all. I know your respective mates won't, once you're both discovered.
Prepare for your karma. I hope you decide to end all this and try to appreciate the one you already have. Or at least end it so he can begin his recovery and grief for the loss and pain caused by your cheating and betrayal.
Maybe you're just intrigued by the drama. I hope that's all it is. It sounds like romance-novel bullsh*t. It will not have a happy ending for anyone.
Shame, shame, shame, my dear!
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