A
female
age
30-35,
*onfused15
writes:how can i deal with a boyfriend and his negative comments?ok i have this boyfriend who is so mean to mean i try to be so nice to him but but then he turns right around and then just say something so mean. i mean like so hurtful and i wanted to cry i cant stop seeing why i dont know im just so confused and hurt i really do love him.how can i tell him my feelings how can i deal with his negative ways and not like him take it the wring way? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): Dump him, he doesn't deserve you. You don't need someone who just throws mean comments your way. Gid rid of the boy and find someone better.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (10 February 2007):
 Honey, don't "deal" with his negative ways. You can't put up with that. Why "can't" you stop seeing him? Either you have to dump this jerk or tell him straight out that what he says hurts your feelings.
Why do you need a boyfriend who treats you this way? Especially when you're so young... you can have any guy in the universe. You're not bound to him by contract. You need to know how much better than this you really are. Don't just take it - reclaim your inner power and kick this creep out of your life. You deserve better than this.
Believe in yourself, sweetness.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (10 February 2007):
 Assuming that he is a mean guy,
Would you let your friends treat you the same way? If your friends say mean things to you without any clear reason or any justification would you stay with them or write them off as ppl you just don't want around you?
Friends and boyfriends aren't supposed to break you down. You're supposed to have fun with them (especially since you're still in the 13-15 year age group) and not have to put up with temperamental crap like that.
As it is, I don't know why he's so mean to you. From my own experience, my temperamental boyfriend just liked using me as his pincushion / verbal punching bag whenever he had a bad day. Sometimes he'd be mean to me because I was too clingy or maybe just being TOO NICE to him, so I'd say it was a way to get me to step back.
A more compelling reason for his meanness though, was that he wanted to break up with me but didn't have the guts to do it. My boyfriend didn't like me anymore, and he wanted to get angry at me for making him take the next step: BREAKING UP. I guess he didn't want to look like the bad guy, so he made ME into one.
I don't know if this is your case, but if you DO recognize the above symptoms, it's best to just NOT spend time with him. To be more accurate, you have to decide what you want out of a relationship and break up with him.
Sometimes we are more in love with pleasing the next person than we are with the relationship itself. Like, somebody else who knows you inside out can tell you that you are the most special person they've ever known and give you a list of reasons why BUT we take their compliments for granted - "Oh, she's my mum/best friend anyway, of COURSE they think that of me.." - but when your boyfriend says ONE negative thing about you, suddenly everything comes to a halt. We have to please this person who has negative things to say about us, for some reason, their negative comment FEELS correct and spot on, so if we please HIM then we please OURSELVES.
You have to ask yourself if you really ARE happy, has he ever treated you well? Don't let yourself imagine what he'll be like IF he was nicer to you if he was never particularly nice to begin with. If it was all happy and fuzzy at the beginning of your relationship and suddenly it's turned all sour, chances are (1)something's bothering him about your relationship (2) he's not happy with you (3) he doesn't want to be with you any more or (4) he's just a selfish, mean D**khead.
Just to satisfy that side of you that's screaming "No, he's really nice and I love him so deeply", I'll give him SOME benefit of the doubt. (Not a helluva lot, mind you.)
Maybe there's something deeply troubling your boyfriend and he doesn't know how to say it, so he expresses it in negative thoughts and emotions.
If you want to be his shoulder to cry on, it's best that YOU be strong. Take some time to cry out ALL the anger and hurt that he's caused you BEFORE you talk to him about his negative ways, because boys DON"t like talking to girls who are crying. And if he's already mean-tempered as it is, he's NOT going to wait around for you to get yourself together.
What my friend always does is write out a list of issues he wants to talk over with his girlfriend. He imagines the argument that he'll have and writes out what he wants to say. He makes sure that HIS side of the discussion is calm, collected and logical. he doesn't let himself say anything accusatory or illogical, because that will get the other side defensive. If you make your boyfriend defensive, it will be difficult for him to listen to your side. Anyways, my friend will talk about these issues over the phone. (Maybe that'll help more, you can cry and he won't see it.)
I hope he DOES open up to you and apologizes and cries on your shoulder. But you have to be prepared for IF he doesn't.
Do you really want to stay around somebody who just wears you down? There are 2 people in the relationship. YOU have the right to break up with him for making you unhappy. And then you have to REFUSE to see him or think about him.
http://dating.about.com/od/recoverymovingon/ht/MoveOnSecrets.htm
http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/question/emotions/self_esteem.html
There are more links on that page for you to look at. I wish you all the best.
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