A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have many female friends and my best friend is female. When we met we were both in relationships but she's now been single for 4 years aside from a handful of dates. I've been single a year. We spend a lot of time together and everyone thinks we should be a couple because we get on so well, enjoy the same things and care a lot about each other (we'ew always first port of call when shit happens).Everyone thought she was interested in me because of her behaviour around mebut when someone asked she said not, and I know she once fell out hugely with a friend who declared an interest. We've both said it's like we have known each other forever and can't imagine life without the other being there as our best friend.We've both tried dating lately (online) with no success aand so we're always ending up doing stuff together. At times she behaves more like a girlfriend, as if I'm a sort of 'stand-in' - without anything sexual. I've not long moved and done up a flat and created a fab garden and she's asked if she can "share it" and come and sit in it because her's is a small courtyard. We live about 8 miles apart.She's starting developing an interest in cooking and keeps wanting to cook for me. She's told someone she has no interest in me romantically but that she couldn't cope if I eve left or moved away as I mean the world to her and she loves me to bits. She once burst into tears when I was considering leaving.I could easily start to seriously fall for her and so I want to create distance without saying anything that could ruin our friendship. We mix in the same circles and have the same interests which makes it tricky. HELP!! How can I try and 'calm things down' and not mess things up?
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): Whatever you do, you owe respect to your friend to explain yourself. If you create distance, she is likely to be hurt and confused. If you stay close friends but your romantic feelings bloom and that hurts you, then you need to tell her because she obviously cares about you and wouldn't want to see you hurt. If you are fearful of the outcome, just tell her that you're worried about being close because she's so special, that you are concerned you might easily fall in love with her. Take it from there.
A
female
reader, Jac2b55  +, writes (2 June 2011):
 It sounds as though you are very important to her, for whatever reason, who knows?
Perhaps you should go by how you feel now, and not by how you may feel in the future.
If you dont currently have a girlfriend then you are not taking time from others to be with her. What is the harm in remaining good friends and seeing where it may go?
I say take a risk, if she does like you then you can take the relationship further. If she doesnt and sends you on your way, then you will become more available for others.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): this must be really difficult for u. Firstly i understand that u dont want to lose your friendship but have u thought that you could be perfect for one another! The friend that she argued with, was he as good friends with her as you are? the trouble is, the only thing that you can do is keep your feelings to yourself and think of her as your sister. But honestly life is too short, if you love this woman I think you should tell her, and if she doesnt return your feelings, if she is as good a friend to you as she say she is then you should work through it together.
...............................
|
