A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help! I am lacking a good support system that I can trust. The two people that I trusted most have both betrayed me. My fiance' of 4 years cheated on me with my younger sister who was living with us. It has been one of the most painful times in my life and I am having an extremely hard time moving forward with my life. The two of them although not together, have seamlessly moved on with their lives in new relationships etc. and I seem stuck in the past and pain. I can't seem to let go and it's harder as I wasn't the one who stopped loving. Does anyone have some valid advice to create a better life for myself?.....and better relationships.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): firstly hugs from me. yes you have gone through something so traumatic. being betrayed by so called loved ones are devastating. that having been said : you cannot see it now but you have escaped them......both. i know it is easy for me to say that you will move on but you will. yes mourn the loss of a sister, a fiance but slowly take time off to heal. One of the aunts got it wrong : "As for your sister, you feel lousy about what she did but imagine how used she feels when your ex did not pursue the relationship with her after all. " there is no time to feel sorry for the betraying sister. in fact you should have contemot for her. if you waste any more time thinking of a sisterly love/ relationship then you are robbing yourself again. in fact your sister was nothing but a slut. and i think you know it. my i donot have any wise words of wisdom, just only to tell you that one day you will move on. this is not easy but you will .......... live life every day
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 January 2010):
I'm afraid there is no easy answer. The most important thing now is that you really focus on your own life. This is just about the worst betrayal of all, so no one is expecting you just to move on and forgive everyone. Take your time, and really live for yourself. Be somewhat selfish now. This is the time to look at your life and really think about what you want from it. Immerse yourself in your studies or a career, find new hobbies that you want to do, like dancing or an evening class where you can meet new people. You'll find that after time it won't hurt as much. With a lot of love for yourself, and a lot of time you'll be able to move on.
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A
female
reader, Xolani  +, writes (18 January 2010):
 Life is too short don't live your life regreting or feeling sorry for yourself it's not good for your health. Try to forgive them especially your sister because she needs you as much as you need her.
As for trust issue give it some time you will get there one day at the time, but start by forgiving them go for counselling. Everything happens for a reason it's bad because he cheated with your sister, I think he always cheated on you but never get caught. Love yourself and forgive yourself then live your life to the fullest. Good luck..
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (18 January 2010):
Omg. I am so sorry for what you have gone through. It is almost worse than death, because at least death brings closure. Betrayal is almost a lifetime sentence. However, there are some things you can do to make this difficult time more bearable. First is to understand that you need to give yourself time. Only time can lessen the pain. You also need to learn to compartmentalise the pain. What I mean is, dont spend every waking moment thinking about them. Everytime their faces come into your mind, push those images out. In the early days you may find this hard to do and can cry at the drop of a hat, but in time, only allow yourself to mourn for a few minutes a day where you give yourself a good angry cry and vent, then pull yourself together and let it go for that day. It takes a few weeks for you to be successful with this method but it works very well. In time you will be doing this only once a week then maybe once a month until the time you need is complete.
As impossible as it may seem right now, you will slowly need to start to forgive them. Forgiveness does not mean its an endorsement of what they did to you. It is to empower yourself to move on with your life. I held onto what my husband did to me for three wasted years. When I made the decision to forgive him, that is when I was able to move on with my career and into a good fulfilling relationship. Holding on to the bitterness and anger is like drinking poison and expecting them to die. It will contaminate all your future relationships so you must work on this for yourself.
As for your sister, you feel lousy about what she did but imagine how used she feels when your ex did not pursue the relationship with her after all. She betrayed her sister for a guy who only used her in the end.
I hope you can really do your best to do what you need to do... Dont let years of your life go by while you are thinking about them. They have already taken your happiness; dont let them take your life too.
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