A
female
age
30-35,
*atierae
writes:I have the most loving yet most judgmental family ever. I need help showing them I'm happy in my new relationship even if its not who they would pick for me.I dated the same guy in high school and my parents loved him, they loved his family, his image in our home town. I grew up in a upper class family, my dad is a local politician my mother owns her own dental clinic. We always went to private schools, went to church just a normal happy family BUT as much charity work as they did they still judged people.My bf was their dream son in law, honour roll student, basketball player, his parents were both lawyers. He proposed to me on valentines day 2013 and I accepted but I knew he wasn't the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I wasn't happy, not just with him but with my life in general. I was tired of dressing up and attending what ever event that our parents had planned for us that was full of people I didn't like. We didn't go out and have fun with each other, I couldn't tell you the last item he made me laugh or even made em feel special. My family was furious when I ended our relationship and kept saying how I was just giving everyone in our small town something to talk to about. I couldn't imagine living with someone for the rest of my life just to please my parents. Since the breakup I went on dates with different guys, met new friends ( kept some of my old friends) I met this guy who is amazing, he's funny, sweet, makes me laugh, makes me feel loved and is pretty darn cute too. But my family hates him. They haven't even tried to get to know him. He is a carpenter and tattoo artist. He doesn't do drug , occasionally drinks if we are at a club or party, has no criminal record, works, but they still don't like him. How can I convince them to just try to get to know him and see how happy I really am.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2014): Your dad is a politician? Your parents are pillars of society in your small town, and you're dating a tattoo artist?
Does that sound like a pitch for a comedy series, or what?!!
Seriously?!! What are you going to bring home next?
No, they will not accept a guy of such a profession and chosen lifestyle; when they've worked hard at creating their own images of success.
He is only a passing boyfriend, and likely to move-on at any given time. Your family is under the microscope, and one false-move could tarnish your dad's image. It goes well beyond that, it also weakens his credibility; when his kids make a spectacle, while going through a stage of rebellion.
The typical parent's nightmare. If your dad's profession was less high-file and not publicly scrutinized (even on the small-town scale)they wouldn't really care. He may have higher aspirations for his future. Certainly for his kids!
No one trusts politicians as it is. Nothing would suit an opponent in a political-campaign more than to embarrass him; or to portray him to be a hypocrite. If you live in a conservative town. His daughter dumped an all-American kid, for a tattoo artist. Only to prove how bored she is with her privileged-life and upstanding parents.
Just enjoy dating your boyfriend and keep a low-profile.
Don't shove him down their throats. They don't have to accept your boyfriend; he is the complete opposite of their values, no matter how much you disagree.
You don't pay their bills, run their campaigns, or have to deal with the judgement and gossip they have to face from people jealous of what you have. They protect you from all of that. They'd give you anything, and they love you to death.
They're PARENTS for crying out loud!!! They're supposed to hate that kind of boyfriend! The more they dislike him, the more you'll like him. You're being a pain in the butt!
Just date him and make sure he behaves; and he is polite to your parents. He'll grow on them. They'd prefer a different type of guy, obviously! You're just trying to prove something. They just have to ride it out.
Once you start dating guys totally opposite of how you're brought-up, your mistakes become the rumors, scandal, and gossip your parents have to live-down. That's just the breaks.
If he's a nice guy, he'll win them over. If you keep pushing the issue, they'll just resist all the more.
You're forgetting that they have a right to.
Just like you weren't happy with the guy they liked. No one could force him down your throat. He was smart, handsome, and an athlete. What a mess!?
He was someone most girls dream of! Now it's your parent's turn to reject your choice! Now you're even! Only you have nothing to lose. Well, accept your virginity or "good-girl" reputation.
It's okay to be down-to-earth, and unpretentious. Don't use dating guys on the "fringes of society" to prove your point.
It could blow-up in your face; and hurt not only you, but your family as well. They've given you nothing but the best.
You've been blessed. Don't screw it up!
A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (23 June 2014):
 Hi Katierae,
They may never like this new person, if they associate tattoos with a bad person, there is nothing you can do to change their views.
You shouldn't have to convince them, and it isn't your partners responsibility to either. I would say, leave them to be judgmental and get on with your life together.
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