A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello and thank you So I’m dealing with lies from my fiancé. I have confronted him and told him I don’t appreciate when he lies to me and it makes me not trust him. For example I’ll ask him so how was your night, what did you do? He will say “nothing babe I stayed at home”. Meanwhile his friend posts a video to social media of them all out at the bar. So I’ll confront him and ask why he felt the need to lie instead of saying he was out. Then he says well the bar was only blocks away. I will then remind him the bar isn’t your home. You said your home not out. Things like this disappoint me. How can I trust him if he lies all the time ? Any advice would be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2019): Consider the frequency of lying, and what he lies about. If you can't trust him, how can you marry him?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 November 2019):
 Alas, if , as you say , and we have no reason to doubt it, you are not particularly inquisitive, you are not prone to invade his space, and you do not give him a hard time when he goes out alone- then there is nothing to do , he is just a natural- born liar, and you cannot make him change. At least until he decides he wants to change because his lies become a problem for himself, not for other people; but as long as he sees no problem with lies, be prepared to live a frustrating cycle of question/ bullshit answer / catching him in a lie / overall drama.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2019): Why would you even want to try to convince a liar, to always be truthful, unless the liar was your own child? Seriously, you cannot change a grown man, who is a liar. If a man shows that he cannot be trusted in small things like what he did tonight, how could you trust him with the greater things like fidelity, and teaching your future children honesty, integrity, thankfulness, and ethics? You should break this engagement and end your relationship altogether! OP, you deserve someone better than this man. I know that the breakup will be difficult but you must break free of him, for yourself, to find an honest man, who Loves you and fully respects you and for your unborn childrens sake, to be raised by a father who they are able to learn from, and look up to also! May GOD Strengthen you OP!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 November 2019):
 You ask "How can I trust him if he lies all the time"?
You cant, and why would you want to? He is a liar. That's it, YOU cant MAKE him change.
You, however, can decide if this is good enough for you, or if this is how you want to live the rest of your life, being in a relationship where you don't trust the other person and are disappointed all the time. Personally I think that would make for a horrid, sad and unhealthy five or ten or however many years you decide to accept his behaviour for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2019): Hi I’m the OP
No I don’t go through his friends things. His friends are on my social media and the video was on my newsfeed.
I don’t interrogate him or make him feel like he can’t tell me anything. I’m pretty laid back and ask simple questions. I just want honesty I feel trust is so important and when someone lies the trust fades
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (23 November 2019):
 One cannot convince anyone to do anything that they themselves are not inherently willing to do. You have a decision to make here on whether or not you want to marry this guy. Stop driving yourself crazy by playing detective... This is going to wear you out and not to mention; become old really quickly. If you don't trust him, don't be with him. A relationship doesn't stand a chance if there isn't trust.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 November 2019):
 Yep, I'm with Ciar.
You can't MAKE him stop lying.
And you REALLY need to consider if you want to marry someone you can't even trust to tell the truth about something as LITTLE/MINOR as going to a bar with friends. Especially IF he knows there is a possibility that YOU would find out he was there and not home.
Also, WHY are you micro managing him like that? I mean going through videos that his FRIENDS post. You checking up on him?
You think you can actually "train" him to not lie? Because that is going to be more or less impossible.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (23 November 2019):
 Do you give him a hard time if he tells you he's been out without you? Do you make him feel guilty for not taking you with him? Do you interrogate him if he goes out without you?
If you can truthfully answer all the above questions in the negative, then your boyfriend is either a pathological liar, or he doesn't want to share anything he has been doing with you.
In answer to our question, you CAN'T trust him if he keeps lying to you. End of. Dump him and find yourself someone who respects you enough to tell you the truth.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 November 2019):
 You can't. You can only decide if this is something you're prepared to live with and when you determine that it isn't, you move on.
In the meantime, stop confronting him when you catching him in a lie. Stop asking him questions when you can't trust the answers.
You might want to start slowly scaling back your investment in him and re-direct your energy into people and activities that edify you.
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