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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: How do I not offend people who would like to help me?I will lose my job in two months – end of January. The firm I work for will go bankrupt due to some bad decisions my bosses have made, by their own admission. I will get a very small severance package – about my three monthly salaries.I started looking for a new job as soon as I heard the news – last week. I have sent out my resume, but for now I haven’t been called for an interview.My husband is very worried. I am too, but I think that he is panicking.I have always been able to find work on my own, no nepotism, no calling in favors. At some point, for over 7 years I held two jobs. Anyway, here’s my problem. My husband has shared the news with his family, which is ok. I’m not about to try to hide anything. His uncle wants to help out, and I’m grateful. But I wouldn’t want to be pushed into doing something I do not want to. I need to set some boundaries. It’s not as if I were out of work for a couple of months now, finding nothing. I have two more months on my salary. I’ll get 3 salaries as a package and I have a right for 12 months of financial assistance. I know that the longer you are out of work, the chances of finding a new one diminish.The problem is that I have built my CV in the world of the media while my husband and his family are in another industry - pharmaceutical. I’m not being pretentious when I say that I have good qualifications and I think even good prospects in this economy, for finding work in my own field. The problem is that my husband is pushing, even though I have asked him not to, to go for a job in his field, because he thinks I’ll earn more. Or at least that I will find it faster. He may be right, BUT, the problem is that I have zero qualifications for their industry and I’ll end up being someone’s secretary. I wouldn’t mind doing that as my LAST option and this is where I’m afraid I might offend the very people who would like to help – even though I haven’t asked.To be blunt, I just do not know how to tell them to give me some time to see if I can do things on my own and then if I can’t, I’ll gladly accept whatever they have to offer. I would never be offended if someone whom I wanted to help told me this, but they are very touchy.I have always worked hard. As I said for over 7 years I had two jobs and no weekends. I do everything around the house, so it’s not as if I were lazy. I understand why my husband is worried. We have a mortgage and we financially support his mother who is old and ill. I have no family, but if I did, I know he would have done the same for me. When my aunt was alive, he was really helpful. One other thing that adds to the stress is current economy. Things are bad on this side of the ocean (Europe). We have three close friends who have been laid off over a year ago and they haven’t found any work yet. The irony being that two of them are from the pharmaceutical industry. I’m worried too, in a certain sense I am overqualified and I’m 43 years old. It will be hard to explain that I’d rather start as an assistant in my field and go up from there, then be a secretary and stay a secretary in a field I have no qualifications for - unless this is really my only option. I’d also find it deceitful, to accept their offer (which is not yet on the table), and then spend my free time looking for another job and when I find one, just blow the off. Thank you in advance for your help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2019): Never allow pride to influence or void your better-judgement. I think you're a wise and considerate person; and you'll do whatever necessity dictates. Just keep your husband reassured; because he's worried about helping his mother, and losing your home. These are reasonable concerns. It's hard to turn back once money dries-up! Financial-hardship is like quicksand!
All you do is thank those who try to help, and let them know you're deeply involved in searching for work that you feel more qualified for. You're a grown-woman! Nobody gets to dictate, or coerce, you into seeking a job you'll probably end-up being fired from. Mainly because you lack the qualifications, and certain of poor job-performance. You probably won't be hired anyway; if you can't provide the job-skills they need. Sales-jobs don't place much emphasis on qualifications or experience, because you learn as you go. You try to meet set goals and quotas. If you don't meet them, you're gone anyway!
If push comes to shove, you may be forced to take whatever you can get to pay the bills. That's how life works. It's foolish and prideful to wait until your money runs-out; and still stubbornly refuse help when you have no other options. Sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do; until better opportunities come along.
Be thankful when people are concerned and kind, but you are not at their mercy just yet. Don't be shy when you feel unduly pressured. Politely decline! Setting boundaries is a grown-up survival-skill that you have to develop, if you don't have it. Otherwise, you'll be pushed around. You'll always end-up reaching-out to ask strangers what to do; when that's what you'll be told. You'll have to garnish the nerve and the courage to carry it through.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2019): Wow OP, I really like you! What did it for me, was your statement that you are not about to hide anything! Truly, I am very sorry that your current job is ending too! Your post is worded concisely and cogently. You are obviously a go getter and an extremely hard worker! I think that your husband is very blessed to have married you, and vice versa! Present your case to your husbands family, just exactly the way you did, to Dear Cupid! There is no way that anyone can be angry that you want to try to stay in your chosen field if at all possible, nor should anyone fault you for wanting to conquer this job search, by yourself if at all possible! If all else fails, they will respect you for your work ethic and you intense efforts! If at that point you need help, then humbly ask for it. I do not mean grovel for it! Humility is always a wise characteristic, to keep near! My prayers are for you OP! I live in the USA, but there is NO distance, in prayer! Xx
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (23 November 2019):
 I agree with the other aunts. Your delivery here is pretty good and I don't see how they would take offence to you trying to figure things out before accepting a handout. You seem extremely hard working and willing to work hard for what you want so I think it's great if you can stay in your own field and work your way up. It'll be the better option in the long run if you manage to find something. I also think that you will feel more fulfilled it you do. I think that you really do have to just tell them what you told us, with gratitude for their offer of course and explain to them that you're extremely grateful for the offer but want an opportunity to see if you can remain in your field. Thereafter, you may consider their offer if God forbid, things don't work in your favour. I hope that you do find work in your chosen field but even if you don't, never give up job hunting in your field because it may happen for you some other time, if not, right away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2019): I think your wish to find a job in your own industry first is very reasonable and I think you should just explain it to them as you have to us. Obviously if you were in a real bind you'd take another job in another industry but of course you have time and you should be looking for something that uses your skills instead of blindly jumping ship and becoming someone's secretary.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 November 2019):
 I'd just explain it to him as you did to us.
That you are glad that he thought of you and that his family are thinking of you as well, but THAT your niece and work experience is in the media work and you want to continue THAT career path.
Look into temp agencies. While you MIGHT not right off the bat get a vacancy short term job in your chosen field you GET to choose if it's an option or not for you. And you might get into a company through the "back-door" in your chosen field, in a sense, and find a permanent job.
That way you can thank the family for thinking of you, but not HAVE to work for them.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (23 November 2019):
 I wonder if you would feel comfortable explaining to them that your "passion" is for media work? You could start the conversation by thanking them for their offer of help and saying how much you appreciate it. Then say that you would prefer to stay in media, as that is your "first love" (you can always lay it on a bit thick) but that, if you cannot find something suitable, you hope they will allow you to take up their very kind offer.
Good luck with the job hunting. Remember, if you DO find a job in the sector you want, thank them again for their kind offer of help.
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