A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My 17 year old daughter is pregnant. We have always talked openly about keeping the baby should she ever become pregnant. Her boyfriend does not want her to keep the baby. I am so upset she is now considering abortion. We took her down to her appt. and she couldn't go through with it. Her boyfriend then told her he doesn't think he loves her anymore, nor does he feel he could be with her if she doesn't have one. So, this naturally upset her so she made a new appt. and is planning on going through with it. How can I convince her she is doing this for the wrong reasons?
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female
reader, Ravenxx91  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 Well in the other end of the scale, if i was in your daughters situation with a mother wanting to support me and if my boyfriend suddenly said such a thing i would be as upset but i would eventually think about all sides. Cause think about it if he didn;t want to be a father he should have put something on the end of it. I would also think that the guy doesn't want hardships that come with such a relationships. And saying he doesn't think he loves her. thats the icing on the cake.
All you can do is support her, but if you want to get her to read this and maybe see the different side of things.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): as a mum you may want to protect her but please be realistic. she is 17, perhaps a child in her own roght as well?? being saddled with this unwanted child, will it not be a burden to her emotionally, financially as well. yes you may assist her financially but she will be a mother. is she ready. is it fair for her to bring a baby into this world when she is not ready. will she care ofr it as a mum should. what about later on in life when she meets the man of her future. would he accepts this child as his own, or resent it. i think you already know that her r/ship with her bf is doomed already, give it a little more time and it will be over. so, by pressuring her to keep this baby are you not also giving her a death sentence. right now her emotions are all over the place. she is being pressurised by all. so maybe just be there for her , not judge her and tell her whatever he decides you will support her.it takes great courage to have an abortion. personally i am thinking of her future. by terminating now, sh will be getting a chance. she doesn't have to be a single parent, doesn't have to rely on the state for finanical aid , she can be a normal 17 year old, making her mistakes and learning from them. seems like i am pressuring you to change your mind about an abortion but i am not - just want you to know that sometimes we look at the now situation and not the future. i believe she needs a fighting chance in the future. having a baby right now will deny her this opportunity.whatever is decided be there for her. do not judge her. but please be realistic. remember having a baby is a lifetime job. it doesn't end when you give birth to it. the role of a mother only end when you die. no matter how old your child is, you will always be a mother and with that comes responsibilities.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (5 August 2009):
 Hi there,
I'm concerned that you and her boyfriend BOTH are pushing her. You really, really want her to keep the child, he really, really wants her to abort the child - what does your daughter want to do? I realize that it's harder for her to be honest with either of you, because she's so close to you both and upset about disappointing someone. Especially you, her Mother - Lord knows she doesn't want to lose your love and support.
Have you told her that if she decides to have an abortion that you'll love her and support her anyway? Because should she go through with this, she'll need all the support and love she can get - and only a Mom can provide that kind of solace. I think if you tell her that you'll support her either way, she may be able to have a clearer head for decision making. Then she knows that she'll have you no matter what, 100%.
So have a girls day before this appointment. Be relaxed, make sure that your priority is listening and being supportive. I think when you have this conversation, you'll be able to feel out much more if she is having an abortion for HER and her life, or for her boyfriend and to keep him around. Because that's a really crappy reason to have an abortion. If she wants to have an abortion because she's worried about her life, her education, or whatever else - then that is something to listen to. Maybe you can talk about other options - adoption.
Or, maybe you'll find out that she yearns to keep the child and that she's only wanting to abort because she doesn't want her boyfriend to stop loving her. Well, if she does end up having that abortion, she'll be emotionally wrecked forever.
Convincing her isn't the answer. Listening to her and feeling out what her true preference is, and offering her guidance whatever choice she may make, that is your job as a Mother. Be supportive, be attentive and keep your ears and intuition open. Your daughter really needs you right now.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (5 August 2009):
 I don't think you personally can give her impartial advice on the subject - as you say you don't want her to terminate. She is probably very confused right now and the boyfriend imposing conditions on their relationship is obviously a bad thing. But will she listen to you...probably not...the best thing you can do is try to identify an independent service such as Marie Stopes in your community who can give her objective advice from an outsiders perspective.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (5 August 2009):
 you can only tell her how you feel then tell her you will stand by her. you cant make anyone do anything more so when you know its wrong.just be their when the pieces fall. tell her how you feel and just support her how ever it falls. she will realise at some point she did wrong or perhaps it was right but this is her path to walk we can only guide and hope they land safely. good luck aphex
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A
female
reader, sanrio.kawaii +, writes (5 August 2009):
whether she is doing it for the wrong reasons or not, don't you think this option would be better for your daughter in the long run? Because even with your help, which i assume you'll be offering since you want her to keep it, then it will still destroy her freedom and limit her options. she has her whole life ahead of her, she shouldn't be tied down at 17.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): I'm very sorry, but, in my opinion, you can't.
Of course, you can advise her not to do it. But in the end, it's her choice.
The situation must be very difficult for all involved. I hope you'll all come out stronger.
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