A
female
age
30-35,
*andykisses
writes:Me and My boyfriend have been together for almost a year i have a bad Attitude problem because when i lived with my parents thats how people would commucate to one another when they are up set they will yell my boyfriend wants me to change the problem i have do you have any ways that will help me ? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): I'm not sure. It will take a great deal of presence? I mean, awareness and self- control. Personally, I'm not much of a yeller... but where my mother is concerned, who just about yells for a living, I can't help it. Even calm words she says at me affect me in the worst of ways, and I lose composure. I'm interested in the tips others have to offer on containing this problem.
-Tante Victoire
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (11 December 2010):
Hi there. Usually when people yell at each other, it's because they feel they are not being listened to. Especially, when people interrupt them all the time and don't let them finish.
To say the very least, it's incredibly frustrating.
You can change this situation really easily.
Whenever someone is talking to you, just let them talk and say what they want to say. Really listen to them intently, look into their eyes, so they know they have your full attention.
Everyone wants to be heard. We all want to know that what we say, think and feel matters. That we matter.
While someone is talking to you, don't interrupt them at all. If you have a question about something they have said, wait until they have finished - then ask the question. Don't try to finish their sentences for them. This shows you are being impatient, like you can't or don't want to wait for your turn to speak. It also shows disrespect for that person.
If you always listen intently with your full attention, not interrupting, letting the person finish, you will find they will do the same to you - always.
It's all about good communication.
When you begin to listen intently to everyone who speaks to you, all your relationships will dramatically improve.
The next time you have a conversation with someone, stay calm and relaxed, listen intently - without interrupting. Don't worry, you'll get your turn to speak, there's no doubt about that. Your turn will probably come much sooner that you thought it would.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (11 December 2010):
 I think your question is also your answer. You can unlearn what you had learned when you grew up. Without expressing or suppressing your anger, the third thing to do is just to observe your feelings, and let your thoughts melt away. You are your own master or your emotions. Only you can deal with them. Outsiders are innocent until they are proven guilty of intentionally provoking you.
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