A
male
age
30-35,
*aptainh
writes: I am a fairly confident person. I get on well with a lot of people. I am friendly, im sensitive, I feel I am genuine, nice etc. People have told me this on a number of occasions. However, I have lacked confidence for a fair while due to all these negative thoughts going through my mind. I have been taking negative approach to things, saying to myself that I have no friends etc.I am trying to change this for the better, in a number of aspects of my life, mainly: the social aspect (being more confident with others), the academic aspect (lifting my grades), and the mental aspect (changing negative comments into positive).I want to show my peers that I am interested in being friends with them, that I am a confident person. Im sick of sitting within my comfort zone. I want to change my mindset, im looking for ways to put myself more out there (ways that will change my mindset: writing things down, doing things, reading things etc. I am trying to start setting some goals, but I dont know really where to start. Any other advice/tips/ ways of putting myself more out there would be much appreciated.
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male
reader, captainh +, writes (9 July 2011):
captainh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks alot guys. I think you have made me more clearly understand what I am doing and what I need to do. I really do appreciate it as this has troubled me for a fair while and I just hadnt gotten a grasp on things.
A
female
reader, Lucky786  +, writes (8 July 2011):
 You just need to be yourself rather than trying to mould yourself into something you are not. Believe me people can tell when someone is acting in a non-natural way because unless you are VERY good your true self will out you one day!
Seems like you have made a good start already so why not just relax and work on those areas slowly. The rest will come naturally.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (8 July 2011):
Hi there. It's possible that you are trying too hard, instead of letting things flow naturally.The more you think about things, you can over-analyze everything you say and do, to the point where the constant analyzing becomes the problem and starts to take on a life of it's own.You already seem to appreciate that you are a friendly, sensitive and genuine young man, and they are great qualities to have. And you have said that others have said this to you as well. So you know that other people do like you.Just believe in yourself and know that you are already okay, and just talk to people you meet and are interested in getting to know better.And relax.Be genuine in your interest in others and their lives, and focus less on how you think you are doing in the social stakes.You seem to be underestimating your ability to make friends and therefore perceive there to be a problem, where in fact there isn't one.Just be yourself, and don't pretend to be someone you are not, just to impress others, because if you do this, it comes across as false and will not attract others to you - but will repel them. The reason being, that they'll know that your behaviour is not genuine. It won't seem natural.
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