A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi aunts and everyone! i just need some advice! im in a long distance with my boyfriend around 1 year now! we're really far from each other he lives in another country, here's the thing, i know my boyfriend, he's such a hard working person, he's so dedicated to his job and this past few months he's always been sick and it's because of the stress from work and his lifestyle is not healthy also like he goes to work then after straight from his home, its like every day routine, he seldom meets his friends because he always tells me that kinda all of his friends got families wifey and kids so they got own life now.My boyfriend is 36 right now! im just so worried about him like sometimes im thinking too that he got no sex life also because we're so far from each other same as me too! but i dont know how to tell him to balance his lifestyle to get along with his friends or how we handle his lifestyle and us together! and im so afraid to open up about sex to him like try sop! because im scared he might think something bad at me! please can you give me some advice how to change his lifestyle and sex. I also need some advice about this one! As you know our relationship is long distance, about 3 years and hes always stress from work and unbalanced lifestyle. is that okay if ask him about his sex life there? like how many time he do masturbate? to release the stress from there. cause i know im there to give what he needs and im so depressed about it! i know its just all about pleasure in relationship bug i understand man needa a woman! and knowing his 36 and needs romance a man like him :(
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (26 October 2012):
Hi. God bless you too. You're very welcome.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah i think so, i should leave him alone, when it comes to his lifestyle, sometimes im just worried about him that he always tells me that hes so lonely and depressed he had no one to go out with there, like i cant do to make him feel happy because were really far from each other,even though we talk 24/7 skype calls phone calls! we always do effort for each other but, its still hes sad and lonely. and thank you very much for the advices, i really do appreciate it, now made me realise things like that! godbless and have a good day
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (25 October 2012):
Hi there. I wouldn't be asking him about how many times he masturbates, that's his business.
It's neither here nor there, is it?
And it serves absolutely no purpose to ask this question anyway, really.
He seems to bury his head in his work, so he doesn't have to think about what is missing in his life.
Often people do that, rather than sit down and just listen to their heart to find the answers.
It seems he's afraid of what he might hear.
It's a long relationship on long distance, isn't it?
Three years is quite a long time.
And it must be incredibly lonely for both of you - not just him.
Because you are without his company and he is without yours.
I am guessing that the only communication you have with each other, is by skype or the occasional international phone call.
Even if you both spoke to each other for 2 hours on skype, it's nowhere near as good as being together in the same place - physically - is it?
It's certainly better than nothing at all, but a very poor second, just the same.
A very poor substitute.
For your relationship to survive, you would have to be getting together to see each other at least every so many months, surely.
For instance, twice a year.
Otherwise, you both must be really struggling with it.
Your concerns for his unhealthy and unbalanced lifestyle, really needs to be talked about person to person.
In other words, on one of the times you actually get together to see each other.
He is already getting sick on a fairly regular basis as you have said here, and no doubt that would be because of not having a life outside of his work.
If he does not change his lifestyle soon, he may find that he has a total physical collapse - from exhaustion - and could very well end up in hospital for a week or two.
And that is something that he seems to be heading towards, right now.
He is showing signs of moving in that direction, isn't he?
If you can afford to do this, it would be a great idea to see each other within the next month, and while you are together, have a casual chat about everything.
Another thing to consider here, is will he be in this other country for a certain time?
Was he originally from the USA?
You have so far survived the long distance for 3 years, but how much longer are you prepared to carry on this way?
So what I am really asking here is, how long are you prepared to wait for him or for the situation to change?
Because while you are waiting for him, you are missing out on a lot of happiness where you are!
And I have mentioned this, because if he is going to be staying there for an indefinite period of time, well then some kind of decision is going to have to be made between you as to where you believe it's going.
There is some uncertainty there, otherwise.
If you both intend having some kind of future together - long term - one of you is then going to have to move, in order for you to be together for that to happen.
At the moment, it's a bit of a stalemate isn't it?
You can talk as much as you like on skype, but at some point in time, you are both going to have to make some kind of plans.
You can only stand in one spot for so long.
This must be something both of you think about from time to time, especially as more time goes by.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): ModNote: Such GREAT advice in this answer that I wish the poster was logged in so I could congratulate the poster and give them 5 stars!Encourage him to go out with his friends more but that's all you can do. Do not make it your mission to change his lifestyle because that's controlling and a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Yes his lifestyle is unhealthy if all he does is work and he has no friends, so you don't need to add even more unhealthiness on top of that by controlling him. Just encourage him to get out more and take time to relax, but don't get on his case about it, don't ask a million questions, leave him alone to choose whether or not he wants to take your suggestions, and accept him and leave him alone if he chooses not to. it's his life and people some times know when it just isn't the time to be doing something different yet. Do not ask him how many times he does it on his own! what are you, the police? that's none of your business. The fact that you think it should be your business, is being rude and disrespectful because you're not just asking casually for fun but you're actually going to evaluate whatever answer he gives to determine if YOU think it's acceptable or not. That's wrong. if you really cannot stand his lifestyle, then that just means he is not the guy for you. You need to find someone who is acceptable to you the way he is now, not someone that you feel you need to change.
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