A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 21 year old female from a religious background and a virgin. I'm not supposed to date or have premarital sex. I'm not even supposed to masturbate but being a human I do anyways. But recently,that hasn't been helping me suppress my sexual urges. I think about sex constantly and have inappropriate sexual fantasies involving my professors, men outside of my community, and every good looking man. I feel like a nymphomaniac and a sexual deviant. I just need some tips to help me calm my sexual urges and not fantasize constantly about sex. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 March 2015):
 Ask your doctor for one of those anti-depressants that destroys libido...
Paxil is a good one. (note I'm KIDDING about this but SSRIs are often the cause of lack of sex drive)
All kidding aside... your urges are NORMAL... don't you want to be NORMAL?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2015): As a feminist I have huge suspicions about religions that insist on virginity for women. It turns the woman into a commodity for a man and gives her no freedom whatsoever to value herself in her own right and regardless of what men think of her. It also causes other women in the religion to judge other women according to those values that are set by men in the first place. It's a way for men to exert total control over women and all the stuff about being "good" and "virtuous" is actually just a test to see how submissive you are willing to become, psychologically, and just how much control you are willing to internalise for the sake of being valued by a man (husband). I certainly would not value any husband who expected me to remain a virgin because of religion. If I simply wanted to remain a virgin out of my own choice then that's an entirely different matter. But men controlling women's sexuality - which is what is happening to you, but you can't see it because you've already internalised patriarchal control - is something that I think should be resisted, with force, by women. If you want to torture yourself like this and say that this testifies to the strength of your "belief" then you are fooling yourself about the ways that religions have been designed for one reason only - to control populaces, especially by the very thing that threatens that control ie. unbridled sexuality.
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A
female
reader, Gladtohelp  +, writes (30 March 2015):
 As a Christain I can only give you bible verses to answer your question. God sais. 1 Corinthians 6:18Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.As someone with the same past experience, I'm made plenty of mistakes, I had a boyfriend of 2 years and I was sexual impure with him, it lead to our break up because I knew it was wrong. After our break up I felt so guilty for a long time and was scared that God wouldn't forgive me for all the things I had done. However, reading the bible, I read that God is a merciful God. In 1 John 1:9 if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.I think that the fact your still a virgin is already good. What helped me is praying. Through prayer ask God to help you and guide you in the right direction and to stop all those bad habit and lustful desires. I promise you if you truly want to stop, you will. Build your faith in God. And take on a hobby, focus on your relationship with God. Focus on your education or building yourself. You will see for yourself everything will go will change for you. You will start to be wiser and you will be blessed as long as you build on that connection with God and truly genuinely pray that God helps you to leave all those bad habits focus on youself. When you find your future husband, you won't need to feel guilty and it will all be worth it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 March 2015):
 Your "religious background" is destined to have you frustrated, sweaty, and believing that you are destined for Hell.
If you want to take control of your life... FORGET all that B/S that your "religion" pinned on to you... realize that YOU (and all the rest of us) are SEXUAL beings.... and GET ON WITH YOUR life!!!!!
Good luck...
P.S. Be glad you aren't a guy. I masturbate so much that my shoulder "rotator cuff" is little more than a worn-down nub.... and I haven't got a chance that my carpal tunnel section (of my wrist) is going to last more than a few months!!!!!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 March 2015):
It's pretty normal. If you want it to be lessoned, try having sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2015): There is nothing abnormal about you. You are a grown woman and sexual fantasies are part of who you are. Having fantasies does not mean you've done those things. Fantasies belong to the realm of never happened nor will they. In fact, most of the sexual fantasies all people have are things they would not do in real life. So relax, stop feeling dirty over immaterial thoughts and find that one guy that will fulfill you.
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