A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The father of my twin daughters wants his girlfriend of 11 weeks to meet our girls, but I'm convinced it's too soon. My boyfriend didn't meet my children until we had been seeing each other 6 months, and he was mummy's special friend who came for tea. I admit they were 3 at the time, and they are now 5, almost 6 so they have a better understanding but I also worry that they would be more upset if they had a relationship with their dad's girlfriend and they broke up soon after meeting. I say this because we have been apart for 4 years and he has never had a serious relationship lasting longer then 6-9 months. However he has also never asked for the girls to meet his girlfriends so that's one of the reasons I'm confused over whether its a good idea.I know he would never hurt the girls, he is a brilliant dad but as their mum, I'm concerned about it. I have never met her myself but I have spoken to her on the phone once or twice and she recently added me on facebook. She has a good job, and a child of her own. Would you allow your children to meet someone so soon, especially when you have doubts over how long the relationship could last?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 March 2015):
 Personally I think it's really not your call. Children are resilient and mom being stable is enough.
IF he wants the girls to meet her after 11 weeks... he feels something. it may be for a year or two or longer but I'd let it go. She's added you to social media. You've spoken to her on the phone, she has her own child.
You are not the parent of the other adults... if he has partial custody or visitation he could have done it without your knowledge or permission.
Be grateful you have a heads up... and keep your nose out of his business... as the girls get older they will learn.
I was a terrible parent to my young children. I left their dad (and he left me) when they were 3 and 5. They are now nearly 31 and 29 and my younger one says 'who'd ever thought YOU'D turn out to be the GOOD parent."
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 March 2015):
 I suggest that you hold "Daddy's" feet to the fire... and ask him: "How much bullshit and YOUR philandering to you think that you should expose OUR children to?????
WHAT kind of a freak are you that you would ABUSE your OWN children in this way????? I don't want to have them see what a creep their Father is... so I've sort-of backed off....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2015): In my opinion, either of you should wait several months until your relationships have solidified to the degree you feel secure they are lasting and meaningful. That differs by personality and character. A man of good-character will be protective of his kids, and would minimize your concerns. If he likes sleazy types of women, you can totally object.
If you know him to be flaky about his choices of girlfriends over the past; you must have a talk with him first. The three of you might even have an informal introduction; so you can feel-out her personality, and see how the two of them interact. Avoid being prejudiced through jealousy. Neither of you choose your mates to please the other. Jealousy and resentment is often the case, and has nothing to do with the kids. I'm just saying.
Sometimes, it's not that the girlfriend wants to meet the children. They want to size-up their mother, to decide if she's a mean baby-mama and possible threat. You don't have to meet her standards, nor subject your children to her curiosity. Even less, mind her opinion of you.
Talk it over with him and try to come to a reasonable compromise. You've been careful in their protection with your dating habits; and can expect no less from him. It's not a question of his abilities as a father, it's his judgment in choosing women and exposing his children to his choices. How you and your ex behave in-front of the children is more important, than who you date. The outsiders you're seeing have no real emotional-connection to them. Your dates are like out-of-town uncles or aunts they rarely get to see. You have no way of knowing how long a relationship will last. You didn't know how long it would last with your ex.
It's the drama between their parents that cause them the most trauma. As they get older, they learn what dating means. Girls around six are pretty smart for their age.
If that lady dating daddy goes bye-bye, it will not bother them that much. If they get attached to someone you're dating, you can't guarantee you will always be with that guy. They just have to learn sometimes it doesn't work-out, like it didn't for mommy and daddy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 March 2015):
 I would prefer to wait for a more stable relationship, so 6-12 months down the line. For MY own dates and preferably those whom their Daddy dates. I think if you talk out your concerns with BOTH him and her, you 3 can find a compromise that works for all of you.
It's NOT really up to you to judge how "serious" your BF is with his GF, but it IS your job to minimize the impact of him having a revolving door of GF's. Should be HIS job too.
What I do see here is HIM being PROUD of his girls, he wants to show them off.
So If you agree to it, make it a SHORT meeting. Maybe go to the park with them and have the EX and his GF stop by for 10-15 minutes. See how it goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2015): I'd have an adult conversation and agree a time when new partners can meet the children, like "5 months minimum, no exception" and I'd probably want to meet her for coffee first, see how she feels about it. Personally, I'd have arranged it when other things were sorted out, but I would also think 11 weeks is too soon.
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