A
female
age
41-50,
*ouisaMatthews
writes:Can anyone tell me how to work on my self-confidence and build up my self-esteem so that the next relationship or person that I date, I can believe myself as lovable and therefore make it work?
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female
reader, Vertigo  +, writes (26 June 2008):
Aww... there's no reason for you to feel like that! Never think such negative thoughts. I'm sure you're a lovely, sensitive and wonderful person to be with. Don't let such feelings ruin the comfort that you can build into the relationship. The more you fret, the more are the chances of you giving the wrong ideas to the person you're involved with. Relax and enjoy being with them. Don't try too hard or too little. Just take it nice and easy and go with the flow. Don't read too much into their actions and words, sometimes it's easy to get paranoid, and then we end up doing weird things that put off others. Have confidence in the fact that you're a person they'd love to know better :)
much love
A
female
reader, LouisaMatthews +, writes (26 June 2008):
LouisaMatthews is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for your good advice - I shall certainly take it on board!
I want to get myself out of this negative pattern I have where I date someone and always believe that once they get to know me they'll go off me or that I am in someway so flawed that no-one will ever love me.
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A
female
reader, Vertigo +, writes (26 June 2008):
Hello therethe first thing you should understand that each one of us has unique characteristics that are charming in their own ways to certain individuals out there. Of course we have our inadequacies, which regular person doesn't? But those don't make us any better or worse. Love yourself. Don't harbor illusions, but don't ever put yourself down. And nobody likes everybody, so it's not like you need to be liked by everyone.Realize that it's okay to make mistakes. It's important to know who you are and stand for what you believe in. Work on your appearance. No matter what they say, our looks tend to infuse confidence in ourselves. A nice hair-do, new outfit that suits your style and compliments your figure does wonders for one's confidence.Do things you enjoy doing, don't force yourself to be someone you're not. Take up hobbies that interest you. Join a fitness club. Exercise not only makes you look better, it makes you feel great as well.Stay fit, love yourself, love the special people in your life and take care.Much luck :)
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Hi there,
I had the same kind of problem a few years ago and what really helped me is this:
Every day, look in the mirror and say or think
"I'm happy with the way I look, if anyone has a problem with that, then it's their problem and NOT mine. I'm happy being me, this is the person I am. Take it or leave it, love it or hate it - THIS IS ME."
When you're walking, walk with your head up high. You wouldn't believe the difference it makes. I used to walk around with my head down and not looking up to make eye contact, then when I realised what I was doing, I lifted my head and looked people in the face.
Smile. It makes you feel so much better. No one wants to hang around with someone who is always sad or depressed - they give off negative energy. So by walking tall, not folding your arms around yourself and smiling - basically open yourself to the world and you will feel better, and people around you will see that. You will feel more confident.
Stand tall, smile and chin up and you will feel like you can take on the world.
Worked for me!
Hope I helped.
Take care xx
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