A
male
age
41-50,
*IDAYLIGHT
writes:I'm involved with a married woman and i do not want to lose her, I really love her so much and she is confused and she does try to forget me to make believe that is worthless trying. How can I bring her closer to me emotionally even if she dares not to break her marriage? Would someone help me? i die for her and i have done everything please advise me please.
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female
reader, miss fit  +, writes (7 May 2007):
finally, a woman with some self respect and people still keep persecuting her. get over it, shes taken and by the sound of it pretty strongly taken too. move on, your problem is taking up valuable cyberspace.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): My brief answer to you is: FORGET IT!
She's MARRIED, man. This means she is not free to love you, no matter how much (or how little) she might want to. Your are "poaching" on another man's wife and committing adultery.
IF she gets a divorce, THEN - and after the divorce has been finalised - is the time to take up with her, assuming she still wishes it, and you do as well.
Otherwise, quit thinking about not wanting to lose her. The bitter truth is that she is not yours to keep in the first place. Therefore, how can you "lose" a relationship you have no right to have?
In a sense, that's theft - not saying she's her husband's "property", no, of course not, however.......
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A
male
reader, MIDAYLIGHT +, writes (1 May 2007):
MIDAYLIGHT is verified as being by the original poster of the question She does suffer in this dillema and tries to find a way out, unfortunately by breaking up with me as she says but she cannot say "no" because she loves me and knows how great love and care i bear for her. She has a 6 years old boy who knows me as his friend and i love him too. She lives in Crete and i've been going from Pireaus where i live for 2 years now 10 times. She's working in the technical university and lately being busy with all the stuff there trying to avoid thinking of me and that it's difficult to have me beside her 'cause of the distance and her situation there. Her husband now has turned round (an apparent change of his behaviour and not real) giving her presents (new car, new laptop) in order to bound her to the marriage and her heart. They have no sexual life about a year now, so he tries to drop her to bed again. i loveher so much and though we understand each other be happy together everytime i meet her one day she wants me there the other day she sees it without emotion.I am desperate what can i do, depending to the day (1st of May) would it be a good idea to send her flowers and our anniversary date is coming when i met her on 12th of May. Thank you for your concern tell me please she is my one and only, she is my angel.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (1 May 2007):
 Dear Midaylight
You must be sure that you really love this woman before thinking about putting her in a difficult position. If she feels the same for you, it is not fair on anyone and do you want to be reason to break up a marriage nor apply pressure.
I am sure that if she loves you back, she is going through the same torture. She may even be trying to do the right thing. Marriage is meant to be for life and it is not easy to admit that one can fall out of love with a spouse.
I am a great believer that everything happens for a reason.
If she is still in contact with you and you feel that it is worth waiting for, then get to know her better as friends and find out at least if you both compatible. It is a big deal to end a relationship nevermind a marriage.
It is painful not be able to express your feelings because you do not want to hurt a third party. Perhaps she is finding it hard to give up on a long term relationship, hoping that things improve with her husband.
Only you know the circumstances and if her marriage is already having problems it is possible that if their relationship ends, you could then be there for her if that is still what you want.
Only you can decide what to do. But this woman needs to be sure that it is worthwhile too.
How does she know how you feel unless you tell her? No married woman will give up on her marriage if she thinks that there is only lust on your part.
A look and a smile is not enough, you may have to tell her how you feel. I guess it depends how much you like her and how difficult it is to be around her without hugging her for example.
Try to remain positive and strong, let nature takes its course.
Angel of Love
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (1 May 2007):
 I think you have to see this from both sides of the fence.
If it was your wife, how would you feel in the same position? How do you know he does'nt feel the same way for his wife?
I think you need to step back and see what damage you could really do to the people involved.
As has been said it may be the hardest choice and th eone you dont want to make, but it is the right one.
I wish I could tell you otherwise but human instinct tells ALL of us that this is wrong, no matter how much we want to not believe it.
Let this go.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (1 May 2007):
 If you would die for her you have to also be prepared to let her go if that's what she wants. You might not want to do that but it's invariably the right thing.
CD
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