A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, my problem is that I started internet dating and met this guy and slept with him on our first date because I wanted to show my ex-bf that I could and had moved on. This guy is nice but now he is still around, he told me he loves me and wants to get married one day, and I went along with it because I didn't want to hurt him. I like him but he has an ex-wife and child and I don't want to have any part of a relationship with that kind of baggage. So I have thought of telling him why I slept with him so he will break up with me because I can't tell him I don't want a divorced man. I know I probably sound awful but I want to stop before I do more damage.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): I agree with Jimmy. He is using you aswell so you have nothing to feel bad about. If he had a choice of different women, he wouldn't be as attached to you and may not have even chose you in the first place. He may be upset, but not because he's lost you, but because he's single again and doesnt want to be. He will go back online so dont worry. Look after your own interests first. Anyhow, at least he got sex out of it, so it's not that bad.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): Yeah you should tell him the truth before his feelings get stronger.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): I agree with Jimmy L. If he wasnt desperate, then he would have dumped you for sleeping with him on the first date, after finding you on the internet. It turns out that he is that one in a million who doesnt dump you for giving him sex on the first date. Go on then. dump him. What are you waiting for. You are an extremely selfish character.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (20 January 2013):
You are awful. You used some-one to get back at an ex, did you consider how that might have an impact on him at all? I doubt it. And why don’t you have a bit more self-respect than to jump in to bed with some-one so soon to make a point to an ex. You’ve made yourself look ridiculous as well as selfish, and allowed this man to make himself vulnerable to you by telling you his feelings, because he actually believes you care for him. Now you want to shatter him further by breaking up with him and telling him you used him all along. You’re doing this because you’re too spineless to face the consequences of your actions and so you want him to be the one to end it, or you want him to accept the breakup without a fuss. The kindest thing to do is to tell him that you can’t handle the baggage and that you just don’t feel the same way for him as he does for you. Wish him well and keep your distance. You say you can’t tell him that, but actually yes you can, you’d just rather not because you want to duck out of this in the easiest way for you and on your own terms. Yes he is going to be devastated as he’s obviously fallen for you, but that’s something you’re going to have to live with and, I hope, learn from. You can’t use people and their emotions as tools to get back at some-one else, totally wrong.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (20 January 2013):
 You do sound awful to be honest. Sorry if these are harsh, but the words that spring to my mind are weak, deceitful, spiteful and dishonest. You used this guy to get back at your ex-boyfriend, you have strung him along and lied to him, and now you want to hurt him enough to break up with you so that you don't have to tell him that you don't want to be with someone who is divorced.
You might as well tell him the whole truth because no matter how I look at it, you are screwing this guy over so it's better that he knows exactly what kind of a person you are.
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A
male
reader, Jimmy.L. +, writes (20 January 2013):
It sounds like the nice guy has come last again. It is bound to upset him. Not because he loves you, but because he cannot get anyone else. That is why he used internet dating. Just dump him. He is using you just as much as you have used him. There are lots of other girls on the internet and he will soon get over it.
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