A
female
age
51-59,
*ilian
writes:I've got bipolar disorder and most of my life I've been clinically depressed. I'm on medication for many years now, but you know what? When your life is miserable and sad then there cannot be no magic pill to make you feel better. I've got a PhD, I'm working in Cancer Research, my IQ is in the genious range. And the positives - if you can even call them that - end here. I can recall a time when I was really extrovert, fun, beautiful, a time when I could enjoy life and feel good about myself. I'm starting to think though, that it was just a manic episode. I've been all alone for years now. No boyfriend, my family and friends in another country, literally months go by and I've had no human contact whatsoever, apart from exchanging hellos with my coworkers or the receptionists. My only company is TV and books. I keep thinking that I'm hideously ugly and when I go out I try to keep my head down and avoid people's eyes, so as not to subject them to the sight of me. I feel old, boring and useless. I'm smart enough to know that some of these feelings are due to depression, but if my medication and doctors can't help, then what else can I do? How can I break this vicious cycle? I need a miracle, I need to find my way back to how I used to be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): Hi there, like you I have been struggling with depression all of my life. I have two degrees. I have two broken marriages. In the past year I have gotten a divorce, moved house three times, my partner too is getting (a very stressful) divorce, my son has been bullied at school, I have had surgery, am hormonal and suffer irrational rages....
I had psychotherapy which identified low self-esteem -from the fact that basically my mother totally resented having children and blamed us for not acheiving what she wanted out of life. I also suffer from unhealthy, negative thought processes - but am working out of doing that using cognitive behavioural therapy.
First, see your doctor. You have several options, including medication and counselling (insist on CBT training). However, in the meantime log on to a website called MoodGym (Australian). It is your own interactive area to start CBT and it is brilliant. My GP has just prescribed it for me. Worry about all the rest later. You will rise again and find yourself, including your beauty, inner and outer. It is true, I should know, I feel so much better already and am coping OK with everything fine.
Get some help from your doct
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Hi Lilian,
Please get in touch with me by email, I think I've just found you a miracle!
Eve
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