A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a bit of a conundrum. A very close male friend and I have been sleeping with each other on and off for that last year. I have deeper feelings for him, and he does not reciprocate them saying that because his job is moving him in July, it isn't fair etc etc.I guess my question is this, I know I need to remove myself from this situation, but I just can't seem to figure out how to do so. I want him in my life, but I know I need to seperate myself from him or I'll never get over this. I'm really his only close friend in the area, how should I bring this up? How can I break things off without damaging our friendship for good? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (24 May 2009):
 Silver is right on point. It is impossible not to have some fallout, but you two need to have an honest discusion about it. Regardless of the outcome, honesty is ALWAYS the best policy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): Once the sexual line is crossed, the initial termination puts the friendship at a huge risk to be lost. The real quesion may be: "How do I stop the sexual activity and all it's consequences and retain the positive components I like and want?". The fact is, we must take the risks and hits of our choices. If a risk of losing the "friendship" is present at the crossroads of terminating sex acts, then you must choose your consequences of either side. You do not get to control the consequences and risks of your choices, you only get to control which risks and consequences you take on. The positive note is to hope for what you want; as it "floats" you. You likely will not receive what you hope for, but it carries you over the hardship waters. So you may terminate the sex acts portion, and hope for the remaining friendship portions to carry on. Almost everyone goes through this, and they go through unexpected loss at which point they choose to accept the loss(es) or fight them with anguish. Losing someone hurts, but it comes with making our life right.You are up to it, because it must be. This is a great opportunity to learn the differences between love and attraction. When you break through to the other side it is liberating, and you see what true friendship is to YOU. You see what happiness with another is with both of you: what you both agree it is. I say all this because you've declared your innermost truth: "I know" and that is the canvas upon which you paint your next frontier with your new knowledge.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): Tell him the truth: your feelings are more than just casual and you need to take some time apart. If he cares for you, he'll respect that. If you feel too weak like you'll cave if he comes around and wants to be intimate, sounds harsh, but tell him you are in love with him and want a commitment and he'll probably run for the hills and you'll have that space you need! You already compromised this friendship by sleeping with him in the first place and the damage has been done already to you emotionally so it's more of a healthy thing for you move on by taking time apart. You've already put his needs first this whole time so now he can reciprocate and give you what you need to move on.
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A
male
reader, silvershocker123 +, writes (24 May 2009):
You can't. But what you can do is to ease the effects of it just a little. Try talking to him about your feelings toward him and how you like him and how you would like to have him in your life but its ineveitable that he is going to be moving away and so its important that you guys need to break this romantic relationship to ease the effect of leaving. And more importantly its hard to find a good friend that you once were intimate with cause they know the best about you without having any strong emotional ties with you to have their opinion be influenced by affection. So hold on to him and just try to let him know that.
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