A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I wonder if you could give me some advice please!! I have just finished with my BF of three months, who was treating me in a horrible way, and was very controlling for the last six weeks. I finally broke it off about a week or so again after a number of times of trying to leave him. He was making me very unhappy. I am glad I had the courage to break it off, but sometimes, I still text him and tell him that I know he loved me ( which I think he did, as he was great at the start) and stuff like that, and I send all emotional texts even though i know he;s bad for me. It;s almost like an addicition, and the pattern starts all over again eg: I text, he finally responds, he comes over, is moody and treats me like dirt, I get upset,then miss him terribly,feel like I love him, text him and then am back to square one. That;s issue number 1. Issue number two is this - I really miss having sex wih him.. it was the best sex I ever had, and I hate the thought of not sleeping with him again. I still fantasize about him sexually,. What can I do to break this unhealthy addiction? Thanks - Nxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello all, Thanks for your answers. I know you are both right , and it is difficult, and I also think that I may have put alot of pressure on him, and came across as clingy and needy. By treating me like dirt - I meant that he would ignore me for days, and I would not know what I done wrong, plus he is quite controlling He also has alot of family problems and took them out on me, and was very moody, although for the firt few weeks of the relastionship, he was a fabulus guy, then he just changed. The sex became better and more intense when the relastionship staretd cracking which was interesting. The only way I can see out of this is too find someone else. I know it;s the weak way out, but i often think about him.. or shoud I say, I often think about having sex with him. I am happy to think that there IS someone out there who can push my buttons!! Thanks for that.xx
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (23 August 2010):
Hi there. It seems to be a cycle. He treats you badly. Although you don't actually specify, do you mean that he takes you for granted?
You might want more from the relationship than he does.
It also sounds like you have made him your whole life, to the exclusion of all else. You've made him more important than yourself.
The problem with relationships, can often be that the woman tries so hard to make it work and make the man happy, that she forgets about her own needs. As a result, she becomes emotionally dependent on him for her happiness. That puts a lot of pressure on him, knowing this.
We are each responsible for our own happiness - no-one else.
It's really important to have your own life - separate friends, hobbies, interests. Not spending every day and night together. You need some time apart.
It also sounds like you don't have a lot of confidence in yourself generally. Like you think you can't get anyone else, so you keep on texting him and getting him to come over and see you again. That is, until the next breakup.
You are probably addicted to the sex, because of not having much else in your life at the moment. The sex is a substitute, in the absence of something more meaningful in your life.
It does seem like your life lacks a sense of purpose. Hence, the reason you get back with him then you break it off again. The getting in touch with him again, is just for the sex and nothing else. Because you only think you love him. You would know for sure, if you did really love him. There wouldn't be any doubt.
You deserve better than to be treated badly and let it keep happening, or worse still encouraging it. You need to have faith in yourself that you can find a man who is worthy of you, and love you for just being you. You need to respect yourself as a worthy human being.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Lotsalove.  +, writes (23 August 2010):
 It's completely normal to still be connected both emotionally and sexually to your ex. After all we're comfortable with them, they've seen us naked, we know what they like, they know what we like etc, and we find it almost scary to move on and start all over again with someone new. I've done it, I've been split up with my ex's for a few months and have met up with them just for sex.. because its nothing new.. it's familiar.. it's comfortable. And thats exactly what your doing. You KNOW that this guy is not good for you, and that there are a million men out there.. and one will be. You fear that you won't be able to find good sex again with someone else, but believe me, he's not going to be the only one that knows how to push your buttons.
If you keep texting, calling him etc, you're still giving him the power. Just leave him alone, If he contacts you (even for sex) be strong and either ignore or dismiss him. He'll soon get the picture.
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