A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My Fiance suffers from anxiety, it has gotten worse and worse in the last while am not sure if the wedding is making it worse. The wedding is not until next year but already he is worrying about it, its affecting work as he is taking panic attacks and needs to go home. We got engaged last year and set a date for 2017, his sister got engaged this year and she said she is getting married 2018. We are really good friends so we planned to be each others bridesmaids.Now she has dropped a bombshell that she is moving her wedding to a few months before us and that it will be in Italy. It is going to be a huge expense on us and we are already on a tight budget for our wedding saving. It seems to be stressing out my other half and he feels it is not fair off her to expect all this expense from her family when we are getting married a few months later, I am trying to stay out of it, but it is beginning to take its toll. Now since we found this out his panic attacks are increasing and well I guess I just want to know how I can help him, I want to be there for him but I will admit at times I get so annoyed at his negativity and always complaining, which makes me feel even more guilty because I know he has a problem.Today was the first breakthrough he went to the doctor and got himself started on medication, he had to come home from work then as he felt the most anxious he ever has felt. The doctor did tell him the symptoms will worsen the next two weeks but to stick with it, so yes it is stressful on me knowing whats ahead for the next two weeks and trying to be his support network. I know that might sound selfish but I am worried he wont get over this. He is going to sign up for CBT so am hoping he will slowly get better. I guess I want to know how to I make it easier, do I tell his sister? She doesn't think she is doing anything wrong and neither do their parents, but he feels like she is hurting him, and putting pressure on us.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 April 2016):
 Personally I agree with your sister in law and her parents, that she is not doing anything wrong, but since this is simply a matter of opinions I wonder how productive it would be to open a debate about "right " or " wrong " . It may be right or wrong according to a huge number of variables .
I think that here the issue is not for your fiance' to teach his relatives to do " right ", or what he feels it would be right - but how to cope with " wrong ".
Surely this won't be the last time that things do not go according to his wishes, that something puts financial pressure on him, or that something throws a monkey wrench into his plans.
Does he want to keep freaking out, feeling sick and missing workdays, or does he want to learn to cope with letdowns in a healthy , functional way ?...
In this sense, your SIL's wedding, in a weird way, did him a favour- it was the catalyst to make him begin taking seriously care of something that is HIS big problem and could become bigger if untreated .
The idea is to have him finally healed, not to struggle all your life tryng to make it " easier " for him. You may even guilt -trip the poor bride- to- be into changing her wedding plans - but then, will you be able to guilt trip also his demanding boss , competitive colleague, unaccomodating landlord etc. etc. for the rest of his life ?...
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