A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Need a guy's opinion - I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful man. We have been dating for a less than a year so we are still learning one another. I just turned 30 and this is, sad to say, my first serious relationship. He has pretty much always had a girlfriend and been quite the "ladies man." I had always enjoyed being single and loved my freedom. When I met him, it was no question that I was ready to give commitment a go. We both had recently moved back to the small town we grew up in and hit it off right away. Our relationship moved forward very quickly and we moved in together after only 2 months. While we have had some rocky times, we are very much in love and happy. Here is my issue: I want to keep things happy but progressing as well. My lack of experience shows at times because I think everything needs to be discussed like a school project. He says some things need to be assumed. I believe there can be a balance. I want us to communicate because, if he is in a bad mood or acting different, I will assume there is a problem between us unless he tells me otherwise. I don't want to get to the point where he is frustrated with my inexperience or I come across needy, insecure, or immature. While I know I am less experienced, I also think he uses that against me even when I feel I am being more mature and reasonable. How can I best help this relationship grow without putting too much pressure on? What should I avoid or not do to cause problems (other than the obvious)? Also, how can we keep from getting bored with one another when we live in a very small town and we are limited financially?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 December 2009):
The key to understanding male emotions is this. We do not talk about anything, at all, until we feel we have either dealt with it, or we feel that we can safely say something without being ridiculed or hurt. Therefore, when your boyfriend is mad, give him some time to open up. The more you pressure him to open up, or the more you directly question him, the more he will not talk. I know that you will be desperate to resolve issues as quickly as possible, but of you can have patience, then he will open up.
As for being bored, just keep surprising each other. Have lovely evenings in where you cook. Go out for walks. Anything that just means you're together.
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