A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,I met this guy at a party in October of 2012. He was in my extended friend group and it sort of became obvious that he like me after we met a few more times at the pub and at more parties. I wasn't sure, I liked him as a person and we had a lot in common and I thought he was good looking, but I didn't like him like that yet.One drunk evening at our student's union in about mid-November we ended up kissing. This kept happening on nights out over the next month or so but I still wasn't sure.We went on a few dates and then I realised that I did really like him when we left uni for the Christmas holidays. When we came back it was great seeing him and we starting seeing each other more, hanging out more and everything.We had sex in mid-January and carried on as normal for about a month and everything was great. We hadn't really spoken about anything in the future because we were just having a fun time and everything was nice.The only problem with the entire situation was that he is going away for a year abroad for his uni course in August. In mid-February he approached me and basically said that because he was going away in August he didn't really want anything to become too serious. He said he didn't really want to be in a relationship with not long left here. I know this might sound like a get-out line but it seemed totally like a genuine sentiment. In a way I was sort of relieved, because I was worrying about him going away and didn't really want to be in a relationship either, even though I did like him.So we ended, but then after nights out we carried on having sex. We decided a few weeks later that we should stop and just be friends - because it was more than just totally casual sex because of our past, but someone was going to end up getting hurt if it carried on being the way it was.Sometimes I'd get a wave of feeling like I was almost used - he was the first, and as of yet, only person I've slept with. But he didn't need to say half of the things he did when we ended, and we ended for the best possible reasons really.We agreed to be friends, and so far we've managed really well. We hang out a lot, sometimes just us two and a lot with my best friend and his best friend, as all four of us are very close.I'm so glad he's still in my life, but I'm just finding getting over him quite hard.He has slept with a few people since me, all casual night out sort of things. I know I was different to that, but it's still weird hearing. I haven't done that myself just because I know I wouldn't be able to handle casual sex - I don't blame him for doing what he wants at all, but it sort of hurts just hearing about these girls.The problem is he still acts really affectionate towards me, and I'm finding it really hard to stop liking him. I think he still likes me too... the other day we were hanging out with friends watching a film and he slid his hand into mine and put his head on my shoulder. We went on a night out the other night and I accidentally fell asleep in the same bed as him - nothing happened but we were cuddling very close all night and he kept holding my hand and kissing the top of my head. When we woke up we kept having slightly too long looks at each other and I had to stop myself from kissing him so badly.I know that when we ended it was totally for the best. He's not here for much longer now, so I know that we couldn't really start anything again without making it worse in the long run. It wouldn't become anything serious and we don't want to hurt each other so it's best staying friends.It's just quite hard getting over him. Not to wish my time with him away, but I know I won't fully be able to get over him while he's still here.I know we'll stay friends in the future and everything. It's just that for now it hurts.It's harder because I find it really hard liking people and letting them get close to me. I only feel a deep connection with certain people, and it scares me letting people in in case they end up hurting me. The last guy I liked before this one was almost a year before.I've been quite upset lately about this... mainly because I took a huge risk letting him get close to me. Even though logically I know that this is the best for the time being anyway, it just hurts and sometimes I get waves of just feeling a bit used - even though it was a mutual decision in the end.I guess my question is just how can I best get over him? Or just come to terms better that we aren't going to be anything more now? Sorry for the long story, thank you for reading.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dayzee  +, writes (14 April 2013):
I'm sorry this has happened to you. In spite of how 'nicely' he is trying to put it to keep himself looking good, this is your garden variey 'love-em-and leave 'em sceanrio. I know you don't want to believe that but it's obvious from what you have written.
You will NEVER get over a guy while you are staying friends with him. You will definitely make your own pain worse. With mutual friends it will be difficult, but you need him out of your life.
FInd someone else and try and not be used again.
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