A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am in a dilemma, I have been married for 6 months now and have been going out with him for 4 years before that. I just cannot tell you how much i love this man, he means everything to me and i thought I meant the same to him. The problem started when i found on his computer that he visits porn sites and websites with nude pictures of women and at the time i got so hurt but decided not confront him becasue i feared that he will acuse me of checking his computer...p.s i found out by accident by clicking on save to save something and his previous saved files showed up. I learnt to deal with it but i changed inside, i started feeling that I am not enough for him, i dont turn him on and he is looking to view more attractive women. he always showed me that he loves me, that i am his precious one but in my mind i was thinking why he visit those websites then. While we were going out i had to move away for a couple of months. Later on i came across him checking out websites for sex matches and that simply blew me away. I was so hurt for the fact that he is even thinking about it. He keeps saying that he loves me and treat me so well and i could have never imagined him doing such a thing but i guess i was wrong. he uses a different email browser but i figured out the password and checked his favourate places just to find out dozen of porn, and escort webistes. At that point i couldnt take it anymore, why the hell is he viewing escort websites, was he planning to use them!!! i checked his email, phone, bank statements but couldnt find anything to prove that he has been in touch. I went off him in bed and became very angry and felt betrayed. At one point i couldnt take it any more and i confronted him and revealed all, he was so embaressed that i found out and swore on his dearest lives that he never cheated on me and the reason he did was was out of curiosity and for masturbation reasons. he admitted that it was wrong to do that and that he understands my anger and pain. he said that he loved me and loved our intimate relation and that there was no reason for him to sleep with another women. However, i didnt tell him that i checked his favourate places and when i asked him if he ever saved them he denied that. He then told me that he is upset that i hid this from him for so long and was not myself with him and that he sensed there was something wrong and that my behaviour towards him was a very big punishment because it was killing him inside. before i confronted him he once was so frustrated with my coldness and the way i was treating him he broke down and cried and said he loved me so much. he asked me to forgive him although he hasnt physically cheated and he asked me to imagine it has never happened and start again. I love him like mad but i dont know how i can trust him now, i know he. I want to believe him but dont know what to do.
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cheated on me, escort, nude pictures, porn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Lose him....!Sounds like hes a perverted deceptive male that has no purpose in life but to seek a fantasy world for sexual encounters....Sounds like a loser!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses guys, we have talked about this alot and i gave him the option of if he feels he wants excitment in his life then i will let go and let him live as he wants, he said that there is no one else he wants but me, that he never and he will never cheat on me in his life....well i dont know what to believe and what not to, he is the homy type and spends all his free time with me i just dont know why he checked out the agencies, i asked him if he was planning to use them but he said he would never pay for sex whatsoever, dont know what to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): This is not about you, it's him. Now that this is all out in the open, has he promised he will stop? I will give you the advice I just gave another reader.....visit npsupport.net there is a lot of advice to help clear your head about why...why does he do this, am I not enough? Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (23 January 2008):
 Hi
Well porn isnt a crime. And if it wasnt for the fact he hid it, it wouldnt be so bad would it? afterall, lots of people use porn even while in a relationship. Personally i dont see a problem with that. Maybe you came across as disaproving of porn thats why he hid it. Lots of guys use it and say it has no impact on their relationship, its simply a sideline. The escort agency thing would worry me though i must admit.
I can also see your point about being turned off in bed. If you feel resentment towards someone, you will inevitably go off them sexually. Its normal. But i wouldnt compare yourself to the girls on porn sites or in grot mags, because men simply dont use it for that reason. Men are way more visual than females, thats a well known fact. I did go through a phase myself some years ago of feeling he was comparing me to them, but ive got over that now i understand a bit more what makes guys tick and the way they seperate porn from real life.
You need to get to the bottom of the escort agencies though, thats not normal, but it could be like he says, simple curiosity.
But thats downb to you to trust.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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